on loop: #41 ~ DMB
i remember times in life when it was as if i was just "waiting to exhale". when i was perpetually on hold for something that's supposedly better, or something i thought i had always wanted. in looking out for that something, i had set my sights too far out from the present and neglected to see just where i was really headed. i hadn't realized i was living a zero-quality life because i had always felt incomplete and on the verge of the next big thing that would truly make everything okay and worth the while.
but now! how different things have become. even i am surprised at this whole new perspective i have gained. i never thought i would see the day that i would feel this way. it's difficult to explain, but i'll try. and i think the best word to describe it is "free". i feel free. light, happy, unburdened. i was weighing myself down all this time... i was the poster child for hang-ups and emotional baggage. bluntly put, it's like waking up and realizing you don't love someone anymore. confusing, especially since that someone has figured so prominently in your life and you've tried every trick in the book to, say, let go and move on but just can't... and suddenly, now it's all done and over with. with no cocnrete reason or with no gargantuan conscious effort to bring it about.
there's just no pain, no more anger, or sadness, or longing... there's even no more love (as what it used to be). maybe a little care, but just the token concern you have for people you know in general. WHEN I THINK OF YOU, THERE IS NOTHING ANYMORE. not in the sense that i have a dull empty ache inside of me or whatever, there just is nothing. NO EMOTIONS. it's as if i just remembered a random someone i used to be in school with, or a neighbor or something. so disconnected. probably the only sentiment i have is a bit of melancholy.. not to be mistaken for regret, but just that ho-hum sedate feeling mixed with nostalgia and a bit of sadness. kindof like remembering an old toy or a favorite park or restaurant as a child, and finding out it's no longer there.
so to YOU, the one i thought was the one for me... thank you for the memories. the many years that you have graced my life, be it with good or with not-so-good moments, have really been among the best i have had. what i, and at certain points we, have gone through will prove to be pivotal moments in this life of mine. instances and experiences that have helped define who i am. and what greater gift can you give anyone than to influence their lives in such a way that you help them know themselves better? i have loved with more than my whole heart, and maybe the fact that i finally gave it my all... my honest-to-goodness everything, and still ended up on the sidelines waiting, helped me find a path to healing.
you were on a pedestal, untouchable by anyone and perfect in every way. i wasn't blind, some parts of you just shone too bright for me to see the others that were a bit tarnished. but still. i suppose when i look back, you will always be that one true love i once had. and i will feel fondness for your memory, and maybe have a little smile over that period in our lives because in truth? i think it was great :) everything was great. i'm sure we won't forget each other, and maybe one of these days we could get together and end up trading "war stories" and laughing about it. anyhoo, i wish you the best and i am praying for your happiness and peace. i'll see you around.
but now! how different things have become. even i am surprised at this whole new perspective i have gained. i never thought i would see the day that i would feel this way. it's difficult to explain, but i'll try. and i think the best word to describe it is "free". i feel free. light, happy, unburdened. i was weighing myself down all this time... i was the poster child for hang-ups and emotional baggage. bluntly put, it's like waking up and realizing you don't love someone anymore. confusing, especially since that someone has figured so prominently in your life and you've tried every trick in the book to, say, let go and move on but just can't... and suddenly, now it's all done and over with. with no cocnrete reason or with no gargantuan conscious effort to bring it about.
there's just no pain, no more anger, or sadness, or longing... there's even no more love (as what it used to be). maybe a little care, but just the token concern you have for people you know in general. WHEN I THINK OF YOU, THERE IS NOTHING ANYMORE. not in the sense that i have a dull empty ache inside of me or whatever, there just is nothing. NO EMOTIONS. it's as if i just remembered a random someone i used to be in school with, or a neighbor or something. so disconnected. probably the only sentiment i have is a bit of melancholy.. not to be mistaken for regret, but just that ho-hum sedate feeling mixed with nostalgia and a bit of sadness. kindof like remembering an old toy or a favorite park or restaurant as a child, and finding out it's no longer there.
so to YOU, the one i thought was the one for me... thank you for the memories. the many years that you have graced my life, be it with good or with not-so-good moments, have really been among the best i have had. what i, and at certain points we, have gone through will prove to be pivotal moments in this life of mine. instances and experiences that have helped define who i am. and what greater gift can you give anyone than to influence their lives in such a way that you help them know themselves better? i have loved with more than my whole heart, and maybe the fact that i finally gave it my all... my honest-to-goodness everything, and still ended up on the sidelines waiting, helped me find a path to healing.
you were on a pedestal, untouchable by anyone and perfect in every way. i wasn't blind, some parts of you just shone too bright for me to see the others that were a bit tarnished. but still. i suppose when i look back, you will always be that one true love i once had. and i will feel fondness for your memory, and maybe have a little smile over that period in our lives because in truth? i think it was great :) everything was great. i'm sure we won't forget each other, and maybe one of these days we could get together and end up trading "war stories" and laughing about it. anyhoo, i wish you the best and i am praying for your happiness and peace. i'll see you around.
