i had it coming...

on loop: #41 ~ DMB

what happens when one of your worst fears is actually coming true? or actually, it's long been true, and you just didn't know? i've always thought that maybe i was seeing rainbows when others saw rain, but then again, i held on to my faith that maybe the rain and rainbows aren't so far apart. i don't want to be o.a. or anything, because i know that i won't be doing anything about this. i simply held on to a whim, and a promise though now it seems that it was only written in thin air. it's hard to give so much and not expect anything in return. law of supply and demand, law of every action begets an equal reaction, and all those, i didn't consider those. i thought that maybe somehow, the simple things that made me happy would be enough.

i won't be petty as to let these small discoveries ruin what is good, i know better than that. but what i'd do is to be more cautious next time, and not fall too quickly for the slightest things. sometimes, i think i give too much inuendo to things that probably shouldn't even be given any second thoughts at all... but i'm like that na eh. and though i may have gotten carried away on most situations, i can say that i'm pretty sure of some of the beliefs i carry. what sucks is the fact that somehow what i found out only adds up to everything else that's been bugging me all this while, and i somehow see it as somewhat of a reinforcement of what's been on the back of my mind.

ayoko maging tanga, but i'm willing to sacrifice. there's a difference. i just wish that what i fear the most won't push through. because i've invested so much and i wouldn't want to lose it out of false foresight, just because i failed to see what was coming my way since i was too blinded by something else. i'm just praying for guidance from God and trust in Him to lead me to the right path. anyway, i did not intend for this entry to be this long. i actually wanted to keep it to a few lines or something, but there was a lot i had to say. i'll probably wake up tomorrow and feel better and somewhat forget about tonight, but then again, i know myself. i kinda wish i wasn't so curious, but at the same time i'm glad i'm putting together the pieces of a long overdue puzzle. curiousity really does kill the cat :_(

saberday

on loop: hands down ~ dashboard confessional

ang weird. i slept late na last night... mga 3, pero ang aga ko nagising sobra. mga 7 gising nako, considering it's a saturday and i usually sleep in. what's even weirder is that when i woke up, grabe inatake ako ng pagiging OC, so ayun. i organized all the files in my PC: the pictures, the music, the documents, etc. i also organized all my contacts in YM: took out the people i don't think i'd ever speak with anyway and organized the others into groups. i was on the verge of changing my lay-out na sana nang nag dalawang-isip ako, ang hassle nun lalo na't OC ako. binubuting-ting ko lahat ng detalye kaya ayoko naman pagurin sarili ko, mahaba pa yung araw ko. next time na lang hehe. lalang, share ko lang.

anyway, since it's a saturday, makakalabas na ulit ako :) hehe. iba talaga maging grounded at 20. i could only go out on saturdays, and unless it's official school or work business, i'm not allowed to get out of the house during weekdays. ang aga nga ng mga labas ko from class, direcho uwi naman ako dapat. ahahay. pero mas ok na rin yun, at least i get to focus on my schoolwork and get enough sleep as well. para di na ma-take two yung nangyari sakin sa ateneo. and since malamang late nanaman ako makakauwi mamaya, i'm getting started on my school stuff. parang stress week ko next week ah... i have two reports, 3 papers, and there's this activity na we're required to attend... mga essay-writing contest, poem-writing etc., tagalog pa naman. sigh.

anyway, nonsense post nanaman. hirap talaga magpanggap na sensible hehehe. kulang pa ata ako sa tulog.

quick update

on loop: ordinary people ~ john legend

not in the mood to go into details. so real quick update lang for future reference :)

- gma still has no plans of stepping down. fvr adds an extra boost to her campaign.
- had a great weekend! hopped from one place to another: super trip, lahat na andun food trip, drink trip, place trip, etc. thanks for picking me up and bringing me home :) saya.
- been to school (almost whole day) twice this weekend (sat and mon) for activities na required. psssh.
- i might be gone from blogging for a bit. medyo lay low muna to work on some stuff and people that i've been neglecting.
- me and my dad have talked about it: i'll be applying at UP, DLSU and AIM (asian institute of management, super dream school ko after ateneo) so aasikasuhin ko na rin yun pa konti-konti. iba na talaga ang may suporta ng dad... had a hard time working on miriam by myself. anyway, campus tour ito! hehe
- i am very happy for my very good friend... don't worry, be happy! we love you very much :) (puro very ah). atleast things are falling (in God's will) into their right places
- may classmate pala akong may stage 1 leukemia. yikes. but i admire her courage and will to live. yun yung talagang inspiring coz she never fails to see the bright side of things. lagi pa siyang game for anything and always happy. astig
- humihirap na ang mga classes.
- pinanindigan na talaga ng dad ko yung bagong house rules na pinapalakad niya. pssssh.
- tanggap na si shine sa convergys! galing dun :) pero mas magaling ka. goodluck!
- admu lost to dlsu, first round season 68 ng uaap. i watched it pa naman. (and taga dlsu pala yung barista sa seattles katipunan, yung jord. chinika ako kanina eh.. learned a lot din ;p)
- lastly, i'll be good na. papakabait nako sa lahat: sa dad ko, sa mga tao dito sa bahay, sa mga kaibigan at kakilala ko, at sa sarili ko. it's time hehe.

hrrmm. medyo mahaba din eh noh. atleast medyo condensed. mostly ako lang din nagbabasa dito eh hehe (ang lame haha). basta, may God please save our country and of course, it's people and their leaders. have a good week everyone :) keep safe

steady lang

on loop: you belong to me ~ jason wade (shrek OST)

wasn't able to go out as planned. felt really tired, plus lisa and shine dropped by the house and hung out for a bit. i have this orientation thing tomorrow morning, then an activity in the afternoon. i think the activity's going to be really fun... we'll be doing art from scrap, shirt designing, painting and stuff. good release :) so there, i'll just be at home tonight, steady lang kasi i can't be tired. long day (and night) ahead for me tomorrow. finally, makakalabas na rin ako bukas hehe. pero we'll hang out daw muna in the coffee beanery in don antonio (then dencio's ulit tayo sa capitol estates! :D), according to shine *tsk tsk* hehe just kidding. anyway, happy weekend, everyone!

*****

por ti:

you belong to me ~ jason wade (shrek ost)

See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise from the tropic isle
Just remember darling all the while
You belong to me

See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me

And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me

Oh I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me...

back-out

on loop: santeria ~ sublime

i thought of something last night... attack of the impulse nanaman. i was ready to turn my back on a promise i've been very devoted to for the past years. to let it go, just like that. may nalaman kasi ako... which made me realize something. something which i somehow did not see. kala ko kasi everything was clear from the beginning, hindi pala. what i found out served as a catalyst for my enlightenment. so i mulled over it the entire night. and this morning, naisip ko na hindi ko pala kaya. i know that it's the right thing to do, to just walk away 'coz if i stay mas mahirap lang. pero 'di talaga kaya eh. so sorry na lang ako eheh. effort pa rin siguro. so ayun, i backed-out from doing the right thing... kasi naman, like what i've always thought of, the right thing isn't always in good terms with the things that we want.

*****

anyway, on a less somber note: friday na ulit! woohoo. weekend na :) i feel so relieved. since i've been staying home so much more these past few weeks, i'm gonna spend every single day of my weekend (including monday) out. to make up for all the times i was stuck at home. haha just kidding. i can't go out with my friends due to some constraints, so ako lang. ok yun, soul searching hehe. depressed naman ako eh. and i don't really have the entire saturday to myself since i have to go to school for an orientation (buti na lang 'di kelangan mag uniform... mukha talaga akogn ewan sa uniform haha). sunshine was telling me that she wanted to go to the coffee beanery in don antonio near our house in BF sa saturday, during the afternoon. tsk tsk... ulterior motives ha. hehe just kidding :) sure shine, anything for you.

crossroads

on loop: can't stop now ~ keane

hay. hirap talaga maging tanga :s kakapagod din pala. it's hard to wait for something you're not even sure will come. all the signs may point to that, but then again, life has a funny way of turning things around. it's so much easier to just give up... pero you won't. not because it's right, but because you don't want to. and somehow, you haven't lost hope. sometimes, i stop and think to evaluate how things are going. minsan parang ok naman, minsan naman parang ang labo. kaya nakakalito din. 3 years is a long time to just sit around and wait, what keeps me going is the little things. in case hindi pa alam, i do appreciate everything. parang wala lang but i really do. i look forward to the day that everything will work itself out na. anyway, short de-stress post. gotta go study na.

backsliding

on loop: you'll never find another love like mine ~ michael buble (ehehe ;p)

i've been thinking... ano kaya gagawin ko in the future? like they say, the future is now. before you know it, andiyan na, gugulatin ka na lang. i know my usual plans... graduate (somehow hehe) and get a law degree. take the bar (and pass it!), work and hopefully manage my own business, and of course settle down. i have big dreams, i really do (i just don't seem like it ;p). i want to be able to make my first million by the time i'm 35. i want to be able to buy a house when i'm 35 din, but just be able not really buy one hehe, i have a house na eh :) basta, dami kong pangarap. most of which i keep to myself na lang. it's all nice and good to have goals and dreams and stuff like that, but it's in the achieving it where many falter.

people backslide. i admit i have... many times already. and no one is immune to it. backsliding is when someone regresses, away from the goal. usually caused by outside forces or even internal conflicts with oneself. and sometimes, it's so hard to stick to one's goals. we all want something, but then something else comes up and you momentarily forget about your long-term goals. before you know it, you're completely off track already. why am i talking about this? wala lang. baka umaga pa kasi, and nase-stress ako sa mga kelangan ko gawin hehe. no but seriously, i think i'm just airing my thoughts. kasi naman, i've been severely driven off track. but it's of my own doing, that i know. and of course, regrets abound. but then again, regrets can only take one so far. the rest is hard work and focus. ayun, that's what i lost: focus. kelangan yan :) i was just so scared to miss out on experiences before or to pass up on opportunities that i lost my focus on what my goal really was (and still is).

anyway, puro garble na tong pinagsasasabi ko eh. epekto to ng nakakulong lang sa bahay buong araw kahapon hehe. di talaga ako lumabas kahapon, bored na bored nako sa bahay. di kasi ako pinayagan eh :( slightly grounded tsk tsk tsk. babawi na lang ako next time. hehe just kidding. anyway, since walang sense tong post ko, alis na ko. bibili pako ng school shoes and pupunta pako sa house namin sa BF for the day. buti na lang may coffee beanery sa don antonio hehe, and may starbucks na rin daw sa may commonwealth! ayos, i will survive this day hehe. alis muna ako... have a good sunday everyone :)

weekend na ulit

on loop: Hollaback Girl ~ Gwen Stefani

weekend na ulit! (gaya nung title ;p) ever since i transferred to miriam, my weeks have been shorter 'coz i only have classes from tuesday till friday. extra-long weekend and my schedule's not so heavy. pero come to think of it, daming nagsasabi sakin na may pagka tanga daw ako to leave ateneo :( i know that naman. kaso when pride and impulse mix, it's never a pretty sight. i try not to have any regrets para smooth sailing lang. pampagulo lang yang sisi sisi na yan ehehe.

sarap sana manood ng movie... there are a lot of good movies out now, like hotel rwanda and war of the worlds. i can't remember the others pero alam ko madami eh hehe. plus i saw on tv that cinema prices are on it's way up kaya dapat manood na tayong lahat ngayon habang 'di pa tumataas ang presyo hehe :)

hectic sched ko this week and also for next week. daming ginagawa, puro papers and exams pa. anyway, i shouldn't complain... puro first year naman kasama ko eh :( anyway, i just finished my baby thesis for the gloriagate scandal kaya nagdedestress lang ako by blogging for a bit. i need a movie talaga :s

plus, bea has a singing engagement (naks) tomorrow at the wack-wack country club and i won't be able to go! kainis :( sana makahabol na lang ako sa after-concert gimmick niyo hehe. and on sunday, it's the UAAP season opening na. it's not that i'm gonna watch, minention ko lang. lahat kasi ng tao pinipilit ako manood, di naman nako UAAP school nag-aaral (haha bitter).

may nature-slash-field trip pako sa monday for theo class, and puro horror stories naririnig ko about the activities lined up for us, which include mud, insects, plants and nature daw. hrmmmm. parang di katiwa-tiwala eh :) anyway, slightly pangit pala ang thursday ko kasi puro stress lang inabot ko plus i wasn't able to get back some money that i lost :( hay buti nalang weekend na ulit... sana i could budget my time well, bibili pako ng school shoes (yuck ang highschool pakinggan ;p) kasi i'll be wearing a uniform na by tuesday. bleh. so ayun... wala lang.