melancholic
on loop: follow you down ~ gin blossoms
sigh. i'm feeling so emo today. i think it's near that time of the month again. rarr. i feel so 'down-in-dumps-pitiful-bored-pathetic'... that kinda thing. anyway. i feel like i'm a walking sigh. hahaha. it's that bad. and the fact that i've been holed up at home all day doesn't help any thing. i was actually supposed to go out today and apply over at ambergris in discovery, ortigas since some of the people from work are badgering me to go with them. but i was too lazy to move so i ended up pegging off. i promised to file my application tomorrow after work. i'm seriously thinking of moving to another company, preferably etelecare in eastwood. only ambergris, sytel and etelecare are offering the same Dell account that i'm in right now, and their starting pay for those with experience in the same account is off the charts. i don't want to name any figures right now since i haven't heard it from the companies themselves, but reliable sources have confirmed it to be so. who wouldn't want more money, right?
i don't want to be so materialistic but if i want to be productive and maximize efficiency and skills, i should move out. but as always, the only thing that's kinda holding me back is my being too attached and sentimental. i've grown to really like the people i work with and TP's starting to feel like home. it would be hard to leave it if ever. another reason why i feel like i should keep moving companies until i get to go back to school is because i'm afraid that i might have a harder time leaving TP if i stay longer. more relationships would be built and more stronger bonds would be forged, and at risk of sounding too cheesy, i'd rather give that up than give other things up for it's sake. so there. aside from that, nothing much has been happening. well yeah, a lot of small things have been going on here and there but it's too soon for me to pay any attention to it. wouldn't want to jinx anything or appear too OA, so it's best that i clam up first until i'm positive.
fast shallow facts: i wanna go shopping. as in, real big-time shopping. plus, i want a car. hahaha. dream on. but i hope it'll be soon. i also want to transfer schools already. i love ateneo and all (i really do), but i think i would have to transfer to another school. i don't know why, but i just might have to. hopefully, i'll get into la salle and continue with legal management or probably take up accounting and make my dad happy (since he's always wanted me to be a cpa lawyer). and call me silly, but i don't want to go back to school yet this june. i mean, i wanna study already and finish school, but i don't think i'm ready just yet. i'm not lazy or begging off from school, but i guess i'm just beginning to spend some time for myself minus the detachment academics bring. i'm learning more about myself and it's helping me a lot. i may not want to be back in school just yet, but i know that i'll have to be. i mean, i might as well get it over with.
anyway, i should get back to being all emo again. i'm rattling off nonsense already. plus, i still have to order from mcdonalds... no one's home, ergo no one to make me dinner. since i'm too lazy to even fry an egg, i'm turning to the next best thing: have a burger delivered. dun-de-dum.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2005
nocturnity
nocturnity
on loop: free (fragile) ~ maria mena
the sucky thing about having nocturnal working hours is that you're up and about when everyone else is asleep, even when it's your day to be off from your work. so now i'm awake, and there's no way i can sleep since my body clock's all topsy-turvy already. and what happens is that i end up thinking. i really don't like it when i start thinking... i'm really bad at thinking good thoughts. when i'm not doing anything, i end up thinking of things that are best left in the recesses of my mind. and when i get going, i can't stop. i end up getting paranoid and stressed and pressured, and all sorts of ugly stuff like that. so now i'm blogging in an effort to take my mind off thinking about things. hrrmm... i wanna get back to work already.
anyway, i wish i could get back to school already and get a degree. by then, i could finally work full-time and go about doing the things that i want to with my life. i'm just scared that i might get too comfortable not being in school that i may not want to go back anymore 'coz honestly, i'm really enjoying the non-academic life right now. though i miss going to school and learning and stuff, there are also a lotta stuff that are gonna be hard to miss about school. the stress and pressure and stuff didn't settle well with me... which is why i'm outta school and working. hehehe. different strokes for different folks. that's why i really look up to people who graduate, coz i know the shit they had to go through just to get to where they are. i wish that i'd be able to get my degree too someday. and soon :)
*****
Free (Fragile) ~ Maria Mena
I`ve been walking around all day, thinking
I think i have a problem, I think I think too much
I`ve been taught to hold back my tears and avoid them
But you`ve made pain into something I could touch
I`ve been walking around all day, laughing
Think I`d be better off without you here
And I bet you are sweet and hard to get over
So I`ll cry and people will stop and stare
Now thats ok, let them stop and stare...
Coz I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
I`ve been walking around all day, waiting
And waiting is all I seem to do
´cause I never get it unless I`m fed it
But this time I'll just have to
Yeah this time I'll just have to...
CHORUS
And I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
Say you're not around... am I finished?
If you`re not around that's too bad
Hope you´re safe and sound, not alone now
´cause you know I believe in you...
I am still fragile
I am still hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
CHORUS 2x
on loop: free (fragile) ~ maria mena
the sucky thing about having nocturnal working hours is that you're up and about when everyone else is asleep, even when it's your day to be off from your work. so now i'm awake, and there's no way i can sleep since my body clock's all topsy-turvy already. and what happens is that i end up thinking. i really don't like it when i start thinking... i'm really bad at thinking good thoughts. when i'm not doing anything, i end up thinking of things that are best left in the recesses of my mind. and when i get going, i can't stop. i end up getting paranoid and stressed and pressured, and all sorts of ugly stuff like that. so now i'm blogging in an effort to take my mind off thinking about things. hrrmm... i wanna get back to work already.
anyway, i wish i could get back to school already and get a degree. by then, i could finally work full-time and go about doing the things that i want to with my life. i'm just scared that i might get too comfortable not being in school that i may not want to go back anymore 'coz honestly, i'm really enjoying the non-academic life right now. though i miss going to school and learning and stuff, there are also a lotta stuff that are gonna be hard to miss about school. the stress and pressure and stuff didn't settle well with me... which is why i'm outta school and working. hehehe. different strokes for different folks. that's why i really look up to people who graduate, coz i know the shit they had to go through just to get to where they are. i wish that i'd be able to get my degree too someday. and soon :)
*****
Free (Fragile) ~ Maria Mena
I`ve been walking around all day, thinking
I think i have a problem, I think I think too much
I`ve been taught to hold back my tears and avoid them
But you`ve made pain into something I could touch
I`ve been walking around all day, laughing
Think I`d be better off without you here
And I bet you are sweet and hard to get over
So I`ll cry and people will stop and stare
Now thats ok, let them stop and stare...
Coz I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
I`ve been walking around all day, waiting
And waiting is all I seem to do
´cause I never get it unless I`m fed it
But this time I'll just have to
Yeah this time I'll just have to...
CHORUS
And I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
Say you're not around... am I finished?
If you`re not around that's too bad
Hope you´re safe and sound, not alone now
´cause you know I believe in you...
I am still fragile
I am still hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
CHORUS 2x
Sunday, January 16, 2005
ala lang
ala lang
on loop: hush ~ ll cool j
everything's going smoothly lately. hehe thank God for that. anyway, watched Kung Fu Hustle with bea in gateway last night. the movie is SOOO hilarious! astig. hahaha. i enjoyed it so much. after that, we picked up pam and we went drinking and food tripping. we also worked on pam's accounting problems. harhar. we're becoming nerdier by the day. but it's all nice clean fun :) last night was really good... i needed the break. hehe.
anyway, payday's coming up!!! hurray i'm excited hehe... i'll be getting my 2T sign-up bonus and my 3T attendance incentive. i shouldn't be getting that since i was late a couple of times and skipped work one saturday, but my supervisor is the best and he covered up for me. whatta great dude. he's the kind of person you'd be grateful to even have just met. hrrmm... what else. i've got a lot of things lined up for the money *greedy laughter* i'm gonna buy a dvd player for my room and some dvds as well. then i'll be getting my dad this special vitamin ek-ek thats worth about 5 grand, but it's all right. it's the least i can do for him.
i'll also be putting aside some dough for some things i have to pay for... and last thing, i want to buy sandals! good basic everyday sandals that are comfy and simple. kinda expensive ones since i expect to use them all the time. i'm also eyeing this denim jacket from celine and a black cardigan from folded and hung. harharhar. i hope my salary would fit nyahahaha. but if not, there's always next payday. feels great to actually earn some money on your own. it may not be much, but hey, it's yours to do with whatever you want. also, i'm starting to think of what my plan is gonna be for this june. i want to go back to school. but i dunno where... ateneo is still my top bet. but i want a course i really like, and those are in dlsu or ust. so i dunno yet. guess i'll see. i'll have to ask for guidance on that :)
on loop: hush ~ ll cool j
everything's going smoothly lately. hehe thank God for that. anyway, watched Kung Fu Hustle with bea in gateway last night. the movie is SOOO hilarious! astig. hahaha. i enjoyed it so much. after that, we picked up pam and we went drinking and food tripping. we also worked on pam's accounting problems. harhar. we're becoming nerdier by the day. but it's all nice clean fun :) last night was really good... i needed the break. hehe.
anyway, payday's coming up!!! hurray i'm excited hehe... i'll be getting my 2T sign-up bonus and my 3T attendance incentive. i shouldn't be getting that since i was late a couple of times and skipped work one saturday, but my supervisor is the best and he covered up for me. whatta great dude. he's the kind of person you'd be grateful to even have just met. hrrmm... what else. i've got a lot of things lined up for the money *greedy laughter* i'm gonna buy a dvd player for my room and some dvds as well. then i'll be getting my dad this special vitamin ek-ek thats worth about 5 grand, but it's all right. it's the least i can do for him.
i'll also be putting aside some dough for some things i have to pay for... and last thing, i want to buy sandals! good basic everyday sandals that are comfy and simple. kinda expensive ones since i expect to use them all the time. i'm also eyeing this denim jacket from celine and a black cardigan from folded and hung. harharhar. i hope my salary would fit nyahahaha. but if not, there's always next payday. feels great to actually earn some money on your own. it may not be much, but hey, it's yours to do with whatever you want. also, i'm starting to think of what my plan is gonna be for this june. i want to go back to school. but i dunno where... ateneo is still my top bet. but i want a course i really like, and those are in dlsu or ust. so i dunno yet. guess i'll see. i'll have to ask for guidance on that :)
Monday, January 10, 2005
changes
changes
on loop: inseperable ~ jasmine trias
hrmmm. haven't been blogging anything senseful lately... simply because i've been really lazy and busy at the same time. a lot of things have changed these past couple of months. a whole lot. i can't hardly keep track actually. sometimes i miss the good old days... there are certain times in the past that were just good... and i sometimes would really want to get back to how those times were. but too bad things don't really work that way. times really have changed. if one stops and thinks, he's realize that his life ain't really the same thing he's been living out. it's basicallt one whole garble of changes that's culminated to make up what he has right now. and i sometimes stop and think and try to fin out, whjen did all these changes start happening? and i just can't pinpoint the answer. i guess it's been a long time coming already... and before anyone knew it, it's right up our doorstep trying to break the door down.
*****
i heard that OB was gonna have an alumni get-together thing for our batch. hrrmmm. would i wanna go there? i mean, high school was cool and all but... oh well. there are some people i really wouldn't want to be plastic with anymore. but i suppose i'm gonna go... i wanna have my pictures back! the ones they got for the supposed yearbook bullcrap that's taking eons to finish. i don't even give two cents bout that year book anymore, i just want my pictures back. allright, i've made up my mind. i'll go. harhar. i'll just pop in to do my thing and get my stuff back, then ditch the plastic party. there really is no sense in sticking around trying to be all gooey with the people i don't really care about, whom i'm pretty sure feels somehow the same way bout me. i'm content with the friends i have right now. they're the only people from high school that actually matter to me. there's gonna be a lot of hulla-baloo going on, i just bet. not being fatalistic here, just realistic and actually... smarter.
*****
anyway. where's all that ranting come from? eheh. weird. must be near that tiem of the month for me. anyway... one other thing. i realized that people change and things change and stuff like that. and i also realized that i'm dealing with that kinda thing much better now. when i was younger, i hated change. i had a hard time dealing with stuff that changed, especially people and environments. i didn't want to change schools or i didn't wanna lose people in my life and stuff... but i've learned that these things happen and it's not so deadly after all. sure, it may suck for a bit and you might think that things will never be the same and the world's gonna and stuff, but come to think of it, you're right. things will never be the same again. and that chapter of your world will definitely end. but it doesn't mean that the new world's gonna be worse or that the changes are gonna be bad. if there's something i've learned that's helped be a better person is that i've realized that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. as in, nothing. everything will turn out all right. the only element in question is time. the when's. and sometimes, the how's. but it'll come.
*****
thank God for decent people who make great things happen :)
on loop: inseperable ~ jasmine trias
hrmmm. haven't been blogging anything senseful lately... simply because i've been really lazy and busy at the same time. a lot of things have changed these past couple of months. a whole lot. i can't hardly keep track actually. sometimes i miss the good old days... there are certain times in the past that were just good... and i sometimes would really want to get back to how those times were. but too bad things don't really work that way. times really have changed. if one stops and thinks, he's realize that his life ain't really the same thing he's been living out. it's basicallt one whole garble of changes that's culminated to make up what he has right now. and i sometimes stop and think and try to fin out, whjen did all these changes start happening? and i just can't pinpoint the answer. i guess it's been a long time coming already... and before anyone knew it, it's right up our doorstep trying to break the door down.
*****
i heard that OB was gonna have an alumni get-together thing for our batch. hrrmmm. would i wanna go there? i mean, high school was cool and all but... oh well. there are some people i really wouldn't want to be plastic with anymore. but i suppose i'm gonna go... i wanna have my pictures back! the ones they got for the supposed yearbook bullcrap that's taking eons to finish. i don't even give two cents bout that year book anymore, i just want my pictures back. allright, i've made up my mind. i'll go. harhar. i'll just pop in to do my thing and get my stuff back, then ditch the plastic party. there really is no sense in sticking around trying to be all gooey with the people i don't really care about, whom i'm pretty sure feels somehow the same way bout me. i'm content with the friends i have right now. they're the only people from high school that actually matter to me. there's gonna be a lot of hulla-baloo going on, i just bet. not being fatalistic here, just realistic and actually... smarter.
*****
anyway. where's all that ranting come from? eheh. weird. must be near that tiem of the month for me. anyway... one other thing. i realized that people change and things change and stuff like that. and i also realized that i'm dealing with that kinda thing much better now. when i was younger, i hated change. i had a hard time dealing with stuff that changed, especially people and environments. i didn't want to change schools or i didn't wanna lose people in my life and stuff... but i've learned that these things happen and it's not so deadly after all. sure, it may suck for a bit and you might think that things will never be the same and the world's gonna and stuff, but come to think of it, you're right. things will never be the same again. and that chapter of your world will definitely end. but it doesn't mean that the new world's gonna be worse or that the changes are gonna be bad. if there's something i've learned that's helped be a better person is that i've realized that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. as in, nothing. everything will turn out all right. the only element in question is time. the when's. and sometimes, the how's. but it'll come.
*****
thank God for decent people who make great things happen :)
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
LOST PHONE
LOST PHONE
on loop: yet again... my thoughts.
finally, after years of loyal service, i have finally parted ways with my beloved nokia 7250. together with it came all the pictures of never again to be repeated memories, special messages never to be received again and numbers that would take me much effort to collate once again and probably, i would never be able to complete it ever again. all of these are graced with bitter yet heartfelt sentiments. I HAVE finally LOST MY PHONE. in almost ten years of my having about 6 phones, this would only be my second time to lose a phone. the first one was stolen and so was my phone earlier. this depresses me to no end. so PEOPLE, please bear with me. i will be incommunicado for some time and HOPEFULLY, i will be able to get a new phone soon.
and ONE LAST THING, please do leave your cellphone numbers over here at my tagboard or at my comments page or even at my guestbook. please, just so i would be able to text you as soon as i could. or if you would kindly please e-mail me your numbers instead: its at hyanz@yahoo.com. it would mean so much to me... as long as you're reading this, please do me a huge favor and give me your number. thank you so much. i sincerely hope no one would have a day as bad as the one i just had... no one should deserve it. anyway, keep safe and i hope to hear from you guys soon.
on loop: yet again... my thoughts.
finally, after years of loyal service, i have finally parted ways with my beloved nokia 7250. together with it came all the pictures of never again to be repeated memories, special messages never to be received again and numbers that would take me much effort to collate once again and probably, i would never be able to complete it ever again. all of these are graced with bitter yet heartfelt sentiments. I HAVE finally LOST MY PHONE. in almost ten years of my having about 6 phones, this would only be my second time to lose a phone. the first one was stolen and so was my phone earlier. this depresses me to no end. so PEOPLE, please bear with me. i will be incommunicado for some time and HOPEFULLY, i will be able to get a new phone soon.
and ONE LAST THING, please do leave your cellphone numbers over here at my tagboard or at my comments page or even at my guestbook. please, just so i would be able to text you as soon as i could. or if you would kindly please e-mail me your numbers instead: its at hyanz@yahoo.com. it would mean so much to me... as long as you're reading this, please do me a huge favor and give me your number. thank you so much. i sincerely hope no one would have a day as bad as the one i just had... no one should deserve it. anyway, keep safe and i hope to hear from you guys soon.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
krung krung
krung krung
on loop: my thoughts
happy new year everyone! hope you all had a great celebration in anticipation of the year ahead of us. i sincerely pray that'll it'll be a good one for everyone :)
haven't been able to blog for some time 'coz i've been really busy lately, and the few times that i could've and wated to, i didn't have an internet connection at home and my pc's mouse isn't working... so, tough, right?
anyway, gotta make this short and sweet since i ain't home. just using a friend's pc coz i really missed the net harhar.
******
watched panaghoy sa suba yesterday with my friend from school yesterday. interesting film... it was done in visayan and the story was hrmmm... simple but good, i'd say. more of an art film, i think :) but i had fun. hadn't seen my friend for the longest time, so it was good to see him again. hay... despite the fun i'm having at work, i wanna get back to school. anyway, gateway mall is really astig talaga, it's now my favorite mall :) hehe.
******
krung krung? it's this weird term that my friend from work uses when he wants to describe a state of being that is unexpainably crazy and confused... or something to that effect. i have no idea where he got it, but i find it to be an adept term to use... a weird word for a weird world. ehehe. anyway, it's really hard to censor oneself, especially in one's own journal. as much as i'd want to vent, i can't. hay nako, i really hate being stupid. i really don't like it when i can't answer persistent questions that run around my mind... and the fact that no one else can? well, that doesn't help. sigh. anyway, i wanna get back to work already. at least there, my mind is occupied and as soon as i get off, i'll be too tired to think of anything stupid, and just go to sleep.
on loop: my thoughts
happy new year everyone! hope you all had a great celebration in anticipation of the year ahead of us. i sincerely pray that'll it'll be a good one for everyone :)
haven't been able to blog for some time 'coz i've been really busy lately, and the few times that i could've and wated to, i didn't have an internet connection at home and my pc's mouse isn't working... so, tough, right?
anyway, gotta make this short and sweet since i ain't home. just using a friend's pc coz i really missed the net harhar.
******
watched panaghoy sa suba yesterday with my friend from school yesterday. interesting film... it was done in visayan and the story was hrmmm... simple but good, i'd say. more of an art film, i think :) but i had fun. hadn't seen my friend for the longest time, so it was good to see him again. hay... despite the fun i'm having at work, i wanna get back to school. anyway, gateway mall is really astig talaga, it's now my favorite mall :) hehe.
******
krung krung? it's this weird term that my friend from work uses when he wants to describe a state of being that is unexpainably crazy and confused... or something to that effect. i have no idea where he got it, but i find it to be an adept term to use... a weird word for a weird world. ehehe. anyway, it's really hard to censor oneself, especially in one's own journal. as much as i'd want to vent, i can't. hay nako, i really hate being stupid. i really don't like it when i can't answer persistent questions that run around my mind... and the fact that no one else can? well, that doesn't help. sigh. anyway, i wanna get back to work already. at least there, my mind is occupied and as soon as i get off, i'll be too tired to think of anything stupid, and just go to sleep.