easy going
on loop: jammin' ~ bob marley / boys don't cry ~ the cure
wow it's been a long week... feels like it's been a month already. anyway, got my pay last friday. wasn't as spectacular as i expected it would be, but i'll live hehe. another thing... i've also decided that i won't be going back to ateneo anymore. i want to have a fresh start somewhere else. someplace where i could forget about slacking off and failing. totally my fault but there's no law against wanting a new beggining, right? i promise to work on my applications by monday next week. i've put it off long enough. procrastinated too much already hehe. i hope it's not too late yet and i would be able to get into dlsu or ust by june... ehehe. another new environment and i'm looking forward to it already. we're young and have a lot of opportunities ahead of us, at least we have that going for us.
ho-hum. anyway, i had a great weekend. last friday, i got to hang out with shine. we went mall-hopping in ortigas and in cubao. went on a mini shopping spree for myself and my dad... just little nothings to reward myself for a two weeks' worth of hard work. then last saturday, my friends from work and i went to catch Constantine in megamall. cool movie. after that, we headed over to mucho's in ortigas to hang out. our supervisor was there along with other people... we were about sixteen all in all. we rented a room with a videoke machine for 6K, but for about 5 hours or so. plus the 6K was consumable in drinks and food. super fun. i haven't had that much fun in so long. made me appreciate the people around me even more. around 1130, we went to jade palace in pasig/shaw for a (very) late dinner. at that time, there were about nine of us left and five were pissed drunk. nyahaha. funny people. the place served good warm food.
got home around 230 the next morning, rode in a cab with two others who were nice enough to drop me home even if i was totally out of the way. the next day, sunshine came over since she had to use the pc here, but turns out my optical drive was shot so we transferred to bea's house. it was also a great opportunity for me to be able to visit bea's cat, a request she made before she left for the states. poor thing got so skinny. after going home at around 830, i went to mass and turned in early. was super tired. then sunshine calls around midnight and asks if she could come over... HUWAAT?! hehe just kidding, shine :) and so she did. good thing we were able to fix her school project. she left just a bit before 3am, if i remember correctly. for today, i just stayed home. stocked up on much-needed sleep and rest. also met several great people today. fast friends as they would say. very mellow day, good for the health hehe.
i'll be applying in discovery tomorrow. not for anything... just to accompany someone from work. but i doubt if i'll be quitting my job anytime soon. i'm paid decently and the people are perfect. couldn't have gotten together with better people. i was never chummy with anyone else aside from my friends and my family, but these people make it very easy for you to be at ease with them and it's as if you're one huge family. you look out for one another, and that's very valuable for me. nothing can ever replace that genuine concern for one another. makes working so much fun actually. i didn't have that in the first company i was with before i was with tele. God's been great by far. it's hard to earn for myself and i'm really thankful that my dad is always with me to support me in my endeavors. honestly wouldn't know where i'd end without him. thank God for great parents. i'm also paying for our electric, water and phone bills. it actually feels great and is very fulfilling to be able to help out with the expenses at home.
never thought i'd be able to pull it off getting by in such a drastic change of environment but i'm happy to say that so far it's been good. long way to go for me to actually be able to stand on my own two feet, but it's a start. and when i think about it, the path i trod wasn't exactly littered with rose petals. there were points when i had to contend with hell and high water, and by God's will, i was able to get by and eventually was able to comeout slightly wiser and better. i'm just so thankful for everything i've been through and am going through. i've been very much humbled by all these experiences and though i try to still stay the same, i know that somehow i've changed... but thankfully, to a stronger, thriftier and smarter person. hopefully, we'd all become better by virtue of life's experiences, not bitter. if there's anything i've learned from all the mess-ups i've made of my life, it's the fact that only you can clean up your own mess. and that for as long as you do try and exert effort, thigs will work out for you. He never lets anyone down, no matter how much unworthy one may have been.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
eindow shyaping
window shyaping
on loop: suntok sa buwan ~ session road
i was at robinson's galleria yesterday with a friend from work. we were just roaming around, window shopping and i saw so many things i wanted to buy! how sad... i wish i had more money to spare hehe. evrything's on sale... but even if they are, they still seem expensive to me. i remember a time when i wouldn't have given a second thought about price tags. i was an idiot then... and a spoiled one at that. i never really realized the value of hard-earned money. i somehow felt like for as long my parents were around, money would come by easily. damn, how dumb. anyway, i just wanted to share some of the things that i saw, but sadly did not conquer (ehehe ang corny). this frivolous post should be able to somehow make up for the terribly negative post i put in yesterday ehehe.
first off, i saw two pairs of sandals in naf naf. they were perfect! i've been looking around so long for just the right pair(s), and there they were all this time. one of them's even on 50-off. rarr. next off, i saw a new line of water lily scents in marks and spencer. their water lily scent is my beri peyborit scent and they now have it in talcum powder! haha how shallow, but i really wanted it. then when i got to dorothy perkins, wow everything was great! i wanted to buy out the whole store. then we went to this guy shoe shop, pab der uomo something and i saw a pair that my dad would love but it costs 7 grand. yikes. would've loved to get him that as a gift but... ehe. money talks and right now, i'm pretty mute hehehe.
then upstairs (we literally combed the entire mall hehe), i saw this really nice basketball clock over at gary lising's novelty shop or something like that. it was ony 200 bucks over at the greenhills tiangge when i first saw it but now it's worth over a hundred fifty bucks. rip-off... but a really nice one at that. there was also a sale on sandals over at people are people, nice pieces but not very low-key if you know what i mean. somewhat outrageous when it came to the patterns on the gems it had if i may so, good for going out probably... and very elegant, actually. and the last thing that i really really really really (to the nth power) wanted to buy was the ultra slim phillips dvd player that i saw. it was full of features that even i couldn't remember anymore plus it looked awesome. they give discounts for cash payments so i'd most probably pay it off with my salary. it's around 6 grand but there's a cheaper one, and it's a samsung anyway, for a thou less...
i saw so many things i wanted to buy, plus so many shops i wish i could shop in. ahahay. how sad. got depressed actually hehe :) but that's all right. hopefully, in time, i would be able to go get some of the things i really liked. i could start with the cheap clock then maybe a shirt from dorothy perkins. then move on to the sandals over at naf naf then to the powder over at m&s. as they say, working oneself up. next thing i know, i'll be going home with the dvd player safely and snugly tucked under my arm, ready to be used over at home. hehehe. i told my dad about it and he told me that every one really does get they're meant to go. but it's always so much better to go slowly but surely than go and be all fast and furious... you never know when you might mess up and break your neck or something. break a leg na lang. hehe ang baduy. anyway, amen to that.
on loop: suntok sa buwan ~ session road
i was at robinson's galleria yesterday with a friend from work. we were just roaming around, window shopping and i saw so many things i wanted to buy! how sad... i wish i had more money to spare hehe. evrything's on sale... but even if they are, they still seem expensive to me. i remember a time when i wouldn't have given a second thought about price tags. i was an idiot then... and a spoiled one at that. i never really realized the value of hard-earned money. i somehow felt like for as long my parents were around, money would come by easily. damn, how dumb. anyway, i just wanted to share some of the things that i saw, but sadly did not conquer (ehehe ang corny). this frivolous post should be able to somehow make up for the terribly negative post i put in yesterday ehehe.
first off, i saw two pairs of sandals in naf naf. they were perfect! i've been looking around so long for just the right pair(s), and there they were all this time. one of them's even on 50-off. rarr. next off, i saw a new line of water lily scents in marks and spencer. their water lily scent is my beri peyborit scent and they now have it in talcum powder! haha how shallow, but i really wanted it. then when i got to dorothy perkins, wow everything was great! i wanted to buy out the whole store. then we went to this guy shoe shop, pab der uomo something and i saw a pair that my dad would love but it costs 7 grand. yikes. would've loved to get him that as a gift but... ehe. money talks and right now, i'm pretty mute hehehe.
then upstairs (we literally combed the entire mall hehe), i saw this really nice basketball clock over at gary lising's novelty shop or something like that. it was ony 200 bucks over at the greenhills tiangge when i first saw it but now it's worth over a hundred fifty bucks. rip-off... but a really nice one at that. there was also a sale on sandals over at people are people, nice pieces but not very low-key if you know what i mean. somewhat outrageous when it came to the patterns on the gems it had if i may so, good for going out probably... and very elegant, actually. and the last thing that i really really really really (to the nth power) wanted to buy was the ultra slim phillips dvd player that i saw. it was full of features that even i couldn't remember anymore plus it looked awesome. they give discounts for cash payments so i'd most probably pay it off with my salary. it's around 6 grand but there's a cheaper one, and it's a samsung anyway, for a thou less...
i saw so many things i wanted to buy, plus so many shops i wish i could shop in. ahahay. how sad. got depressed actually hehe :) but that's all right. hopefully, in time, i would be able to go get some of the things i really liked. i could start with the cheap clock then maybe a shirt from dorothy perkins. then move on to the sandals over at naf naf then to the powder over at m&s. as they say, working oneself up. next thing i know, i'll be going home with the dvd player safely and snugly tucked under my arm, ready to be used over at home. hehehe. i told my dad about it and he told me that every one really does get they're meant to go. but it's always so much better to go slowly but surely than go and be all fast and furious... you never know when you might mess up and break your neck or something. break a leg na lang. hehe ang baduy. anyway, amen to that.
Monday, February 07, 2005
nutty'ng (angst post ito ah...)
nutty'ng (angst post ito ah...)
on loop: get right ~ j. lo
harhar my title's so lame. anyway, i've made up my mind. i don't think i'll be going back to ateneo anymore. it really breaks me to say so because i don't see myself in any other school, but that's the way it has to be. there are way too many complications if i were to stay. it's hard to explain but i guess i'll really have to get on to another school. i may have to start all over again and i don't know how i'll ever be able to explain my decision to my dad... but time has a way of unraveling issues on it's own. i'm just hoping that good fortune would prevail.
there are too many issues and it's really tough for me to confront it, so i'll guess i'll just have to live with it. and i feel that if i start talking about it, it would seem all too real. i'm in what one could call a denial stage. the true blue real deal. ahahay. my years in ateneo were the best years of my life, no doubt about that. it developed my character so much and it would have been able to make me a better person if only i kept on and stayed. but i guess it's too late for regrets, what if's and should have's. i hate regrets.
now all i'm having a dilemma about is where i'm going to transfer. la salle would be great but it's too far. too much expense (i'm really money-conscious nowadays) and too far (i need all the time i can get to study). i might apply at UST... it's a good school and at the same time, it's not too far. i just hope that i would be able to do good in that school. honestly, i have big dreams for myself. really huge dreams... i want to be comfortable in life and have a succesful career. and somehow, i was brought up with the notion that only a good education would be able to do that for me. having a job now has taught me so many valuable life lessons. i learned that money can only last you so long and get you so far. you need ability and skill to win in this game.
and another thing that i've grown to hate are connections. i hate people who rely too much on connections. they will never learn and grow on their own. actually, i don't hate them. i personally have nothing against them. i guess i just feel sort of apathetic towards them. it would be difficult for them to stand on their own and earn merit through their own hard work when their connection won't pull through. in a society that gives too much value on prestige and power, it would still be the "ma-abilidad" who will stand out and tough it out in the end. i only hope that when the time comes, i would have enough ability and skills to pull me through. not that i wouldn't want anyone to lean on or ask for help, it's just that i don't want to depend too much on others. coz i know that those others won't always be there for me and i'd hate to have no one to turn to when i expect and need someone to be there.
i won't be a hypocrite and say that money isn't everything and that i don't give two shits about it. actually, it's the most important thing for me. financial security is what i'm all about. it's nice to have money from yuor parents but they ain't gonna be there all the time. and i could always say that my future husband would support me, but i know better than that. my mom brought me up better than to believe in that. di naman ako pwede umasa na lang sa asawa. i will have to do my part... and i will have to earn. and i have no plans of getting married not until i have my own house, car and business. i would first have to have the capability of fending for myself and living comfortable with enough to spare for rainy days and of course, kids.
ayoko naman na magkaroon ng high standards and expectations for the person i will marry if i myself won't be able to meet the standards i have set. because what i would want in a husband is a good education, smarts, ma-abilidad and hard working, among others. and above all, i would want someone with ambition and the drive and will to achieve it. i would be extremely lucky to end up with someone like that. i promise to work hard in everything i do, and i promise to try to start now. as soon as sort the kinks out of my life. i guess i would want to be able to lead an independent life... both financially and emotionally. i really wouldn't want to be too dependent on anything impermanent. i think it makes one vulnerable... and somewhat weak. but of course this is just my opinion. i'm not making any sweeping statements. i'm just speaking for myself.
my mom told me early on to wisen up in life. i never really did up until a few years back. i know what people's motives are. i may not always be correct but i usually get a good feel of it and though i don't tell it to their faces when i know that they're using me, i keep it in my mind. that way, i am wise and guarded. sometimes people think that they're getting the better of me when i let them have their own ways, but actually it's just a sort of diversion i sometimes have to pull in order for me to be able to pull out all the stops. of all the things i hate, it's being used. so to those people who may think and feel that i may be referring to them, don't even ask me anymore if it's you. you know it's you. and now you know that i know. i don't have to tell you... bahala ka na, alam niyo na yun. it should suffice to say that i think you people are so pretentious and fake, and that you make me sick.
i'm just letting all my angst out right now before it settles down again and comes up some other time. i'm really not the type of person who's very vocal about what i feel or think. i usually just shut up and let people do their thing while i get by to do my own. and i really, really hate it when people try to pry things out of me or when they make me do things i don't want to and mistake my not wanting to as a for of weakness or gullibility. news flash, idiots. it's called living a life of your own. no need to drag others to think the same way you do just so you could somehow 'validate' your sentiments. you don't need others to agree with you for your point to be valid... you'd have to stand by it yourself. walang pakialamanan ng sentimyento ng iba. kung ayaw kang sang-ayunan ng tao, wag mong pilitan at magmumukhang gago ka lang. live and let live.
i wish that the right people would be able to read my post. i've got so much more to say but it's too much angst for one day (harhar it rhymes). i didn't mean to be so edgy with my post... i actually started out ok and pretty cool and tame, but then one thought led to another and before i knew it, all this angst was pouring out. nyahaha. nakulob ata. and i'm just hoping that no one would tell me to not keep my sentiments bottled up so much because the next tiem anyone would say that, i just might smack him. eh sa ganito nga ako eh, pakialam mo ba ha? wag ka nang umeksena... nagmamagaling ka namaan eh. tigilan mo nako ok? kanya kanya lang yan, as what i always say. different strokes for different folks as what others would say.
anyway i'm really sorry for those who are bored outta their minds reading this post and thanks for actually even reading it. i just hope that my message would get into the heads of the right people. i wish they would realize that it's them i'm talking about. and kung nagdududa pa sila, wag na. and wag na sana nila ako tanungin kung siala nga ba, coz i'll just say no and shrug it off. but if they're smart and decent enough to think and recognize themselves, they would wake up and smell the (bitter) coffee. i know i myslef am not perfect... i have so many flaws in every aspect of my personality and i know that i have a long way to go before i become any closer to a good person but i'm working on it and hopefully, i'll reach it in one piece. i'm just really glad that there are still a few true people in the world who somehow make things all right and turn my days into brighter ones. thank god for them. pardon all the melodrasma and shit, it's just one of those days.
on loop: get right ~ j. lo
harhar my title's so lame. anyway, i've made up my mind. i don't think i'll be going back to ateneo anymore. it really breaks me to say so because i don't see myself in any other school, but that's the way it has to be. there are way too many complications if i were to stay. it's hard to explain but i guess i'll really have to get on to another school. i may have to start all over again and i don't know how i'll ever be able to explain my decision to my dad... but time has a way of unraveling issues on it's own. i'm just hoping that good fortune would prevail.
there are too many issues and it's really tough for me to confront it, so i'll guess i'll just have to live with it. and i feel that if i start talking about it, it would seem all too real. i'm in what one could call a denial stage. the true blue real deal. ahahay. my years in ateneo were the best years of my life, no doubt about that. it developed my character so much and it would have been able to make me a better person if only i kept on and stayed. but i guess it's too late for regrets, what if's and should have's. i hate regrets.
now all i'm having a dilemma about is where i'm going to transfer. la salle would be great but it's too far. too much expense (i'm really money-conscious nowadays) and too far (i need all the time i can get to study). i might apply at UST... it's a good school and at the same time, it's not too far. i just hope that i would be able to do good in that school. honestly, i have big dreams for myself. really huge dreams... i want to be comfortable in life and have a succesful career. and somehow, i was brought up with the notion that only a good education would be able to do that for me. having a job now has taught me so many valuable life lessons. i learned that money can only last you so long and get you so far. you need ability and skill to win in this game.
and another thing that i've grown to hate are connections. i hate people who rely too much on connections. they will never learn and grow on their own. actually, i don't hate them. i personally have nothing against them. i guess i just feel sort of apathetic towards them. it would be difficult for them to stand on their own and earn merit through their own hard work when their connection won't pull through. in a society that gives too much value on prestige and power, it would still be the "ma-abilidad" who will stand out and tough it out in the end. i only hope that when the time comes, i would have enough ability and skills to pull me through. not that i wouldn't want anyone to lean on or ask for help, it's just that i don't want to depend too much on others. coz i know that those others won't always be there for me and i'd hate to have no one to turn to when i expect and need someone to be there.
i won't be a hypocrite and say that money isn't everything and that i don't give two shits about it. actually, it's the most important thing for me. financial security is what i'm all about. it's nice to have money from yuor parents but they ain't gonna be there all the time. and i could always say that my future husband would support me, but i know better than that. my mom brought me up better than to believe in that. di naman ako pwede umasa na lang sa asawa. i will have to do my part... and i will have to earn. and i have no plans of getting married not until i have my own house, car and business. i would first have to have the capability of fending for myself and living comfortable with enough to spare for rainy days and of course, kids.
ayoko naman na magkaroon ng high standards and expectations for the person i will marry if i myself won't be able to meet the standards i have set. because what i would want in a husband is a good education, smarts, ma-abilidad and hard working, among others. and above all, i would want someone with ambition and the drive and will to achieve it. i would be extremely lucky to end up with someone like that. i promise to work hard in everything i do, and i promise to try to start now. as soon as sort the kinks out of my life. i guess i would want to be able to lead an independent life... both financially and emotionally. i really wouldn't want to be too dependent on anything impermanent. i think it makes one vulnerable... and somewhat weak. but of course this is just my opinion. i'm not making any sweeping statements. i'm just speaking for myself.
my mom told me early on to wisen up in life. i never really did up until a few years back. i know what people's motives are. i may not always be correct but i usually get a good feel of it and though i don't tell it to their faces when i know that they're using me, i keep it in my mind. that way, i am wise and guarded. sometimes people think that they're getting the better of me when i let them have their own ways, but actually it's just a sort of diversion i sometimes have to pull in order for me to be able to pull out all the stops. of all the things i hate, it's being used. so to those people who may think and feel that i may be referring to them, don't even ask me anymore if it's you. you know it's you. and now you know that i know. i don't have to tell you... bahala ka na, alam niyo na yun. it should suffice to say that i think you people are so pretentious and fake, and that you make me sick.
i'm just letting all my angst out right now before it settles down again and comes up some other time. i'm really not the type of person who's very vocal about what i feel or think. i usually just shut up and let people do their thing while i get by to do my own. and i really, really hate it when people try to pry things out of me or when they make me do things i don't want to and mistake my not wanting to as a for of weakness or gullibility. news flash, idiots. it's called living a life of your own. no need to drag others to think the same way you do just so you could somehow 'validate' your sentiments. you don't need others to agree with you for your point to be valid... you'd have to stand by it yourself. walang pakialamanan ng sentimyento ng iba. kung ayaw kang sang-ayunan ng tao, wag mong pilitan at magmumukhang gago ka lang. live and let live.
i wish that the right people would be able to read my post. i've got so much more to say but it's too much angst for one day (harhar it rhymes). i didn't mean to be so edgy with my post... i actually started out ok and pretty cool and tame, but then one thought led to another and before i knew it, all this angst was pouring out. nyahaha. nakulob ata. and i'm just hoping that no one would tell me to not keep my sentiments bottled up so much because the next tiem anyone would say that, i just might smack him. eh sa ganito nga ako eh, pakialam mo ba ha? wag ka nang umeksena... nagmamagaling ka namaan eh. tigilan mo nako ok? kanya kanya lang yan, as what i always say. different strokes for different folks as what others would say.
anyway i'm really sorry for those who are bored outta their minds reading this post and thanks for actually even reading it. i just hope that my message would get into the heads of the right people. i wish they would realize that it's them i'm talking about. and kung nagdududa pa sila, wag na. and wag na sana nila ako tanungin kung siala nga ba, coz i'll just say no and shrug it off. but if they're smart and decent enough to think and recognize themselves, they would wake up and smell the (bitter) coffee. i know i myslef am not perfect... i have so many flaws in every aspect of my personality and i know that i have a long way to go before i become any closer to a good person but i'm working on it and hopefully, i'll reach it in one piece. i'm just really glad that there are still a few true people in the world who somehow make things all right and turn my days into brighter ones. thank god for them. pardon all the melodrasma and shit, it's just one of those days.
Monday, January 24, 2005
melancholic
melancholic
on loop: follow you down ~ gin blossoms
sigh. i'm feeling so emo today. i think it's near that time of the month again. rarr. i feel so 'down-in-dumps-pitiful-bored-pathetic'... that kinda thing. anyway. i feel like i'm a walking sigh. hahaha. it's that bad. and the fact that i've been holed up at home all day doesn't help any thing. i was actually supposed to go out today and apply over at ambergris in discovery, ortigas since some of the people from work are badgering me to go with them. but i was too lazy to move so i ended up pegging off. i promised to file my application tomorrow after work. i'm seriously thinking of moving to another company, preferably etelecare in eastwood. only ambergris, sytel and etelecare are offering the same Dell account that i'm in right now, and their starting pay for those with experience in the same account is off the charts. i don't want to name any figures right now since i haven't heard it from the companies themselves, but reliable sources have confirmed it to be so. who wouldn't want more money, right?
i don't want to be so materialistic but if i want to be productive and maximize efficiency and skills, i should move out. but as always, the only thing that's kinda holding me back is my being too attached and sentimental. i've grown to really like the people i work with and TP's starting to feel like home. it would be hard to leave it if ever. another reason why i feel like i should keep moving companies until i get to go back to school is because i'm afraid that i might have a harder time leaving TP if i stay longer. more relationships would be built and more stronger bonds would be forged, and at risk of sounding too cheesy, i'd rather give that up than give other things up for it's sake. so there. aside from that, nothing much has been happening. well yeah, a lot of small things have been going on here and there but it's too soon for me to pay any attention to it. wouldn't want to jinx anything or appear too OA, so it's best that i clam up first until i'm positive.
fast shallow facts: i wanna go shopping. as in, real big-time shopping. plus, i want a car. hahaha. dream on. but i hope it'll be soon. i also want to transfer schools already. i love ateneo and all (i really do), but i think i would have to transfer to another school. i don't know why, but i just might have to. hopefully, i'll get into la salle and continue with legal management or probably take up accounting and make my dad happy (since he's always wanted me to be a cpa lawyer). and call me silly, but i don't want to go back to school yet this june. i mean, i wanna study already and finish school, but i don't think i'm ready just yet. i'm not lazy or begging off from school, but i guess i'm just beginning to spend some time for myself minus the detachment academics bring. i'm learning more about myself and it's helping me a lot. i may not want to be back in school just yet, but i know that i'll have to be. i mean, i might as well get it over with.
anyway, i should get back to being all emo again. i'm rattling off nonsense already. plus, i still have to order from mcdonalds... no one's home, ergo no one to make me dinner. since i'm too lazy to even fry an egg, i'm turning to the next best thing: have a burger delivered. dun-de-dum.
on loop: follow you down ~ gin blossoms
sigh. i'm feeling so emo today. i think it's near that time of the month again. rarr. i feel so 'down-in-dumps-pitiful-bored-pathetic'... that kinda thing. anyway. i feel like i'm a walking sigh. hahaha. it's that bad. and the fact that i've been holed up at home all day doesn't help any thing. i was actually supposed to go out today and apply over at ambergris in discovery, ortigas since some of the people from work are badgering me to go with them. but i was too lazy to move so i ended up pegging off. i promised to file my application tomorrow after work. i'm seriously thinking of moving to another company, preferably etelecare in eastwood. only ambergris, sytel and etelecare are offering the same Dell account that i'm in right now, and their starting pay for those with experience in the same account is off the charts. i don't want to name any figures right now since i haven't heard it from the companies themselves, but reliable sources have confirmed it to be so. who wouldn't want more money, right?
i don't want to be so materialistic but if i want to be productive and maximize efficiency and skills, i should move out. but as always, the only thing that's kinda holding me back is my being too attached and sentimental. i've grown to really like the people i work with and TP's starting to feel like home. it would be hard to leave it if ever. another reason why i feel like i should keep moving companies until i get to go back to school is because i'm afraid that i might have a harder time leaving TP if i stay longer. more relationships would be built and more stronger bonds would be forged, and at risk of sounding too cheesy, i'd rather give that up than give other things up for it's sake. so there. aside from that, nothing much has been happening. well yeah, a lot of small things have been going on here and there but it's too soon for me to pay any attention to it. wouldn't want to jinx anything or appear too OA, so it's best that i clam up first until i'm positive.
fast shallow facts: i wanna go shopping. as in, real big-time shopping. plus, i want a car. hahaha. dream on. but i hope it'll be soon. i also want to transfer schools already. i love ateneo and all (i really do), but i think i would have to transfer to another school. i don't know why, but i just might have to. hopefully, i'll get into la salle and continue with legal management or probably take up accounting and make my dad happy (since he's always wanted me to be a cpa lawyer). and call me silly, but i don't want to go back to school yet this june. i mean, i wanna study already and finish school, but i don't think i'm ready just yet. i'm not lazy or begging off from school, but i guess i'm just beginning to spend some time for myself minus the detachment academics bring. i'm learning more about myself and it's helping me a lot. i may not want to be back in school just yet, but i know that i'll have to be. i mean, i might as well get it over with.
anyway, i should get back to being all emo again. i'm rattling off nonsense already. plus, i still have to order from mcdonalds... no one's home, ergo no one to make me dinner. since i'm too lazy to even fry an egg, i'm turning to the next best thing: have a burger delivered. dun-de-dum.
Monday, January 17, 2005
nocturnity
nocturnity
on loop: free (fragile) ~ maria mena
the sucky thing about having nocturnal working hours is that you're up and about when everyone else is asleep, even when it's your day to be off from your work. so now i'm awake, and there's no way i can sleep since my body clock's all topsy-turvy already. and what happens is that i end up thinking. i really don't like it when i start thinking... i'm really bad at thinking good thoughts. when i'm not doing anything, i end up thinking of things that are best left in the recesses of my mind. and when i get going, i can't stop. i end up getting paranoid and stressed and pressured, and all sorts of ugly stuff like that. so now i'm blogging in an effort to take my mind off thinking about things. hrrmm... i wanna get back to work already.
anyway, i wish i could get back to school already and get a degree. by then, i could finally work full-time and go about doing the things that i want to with my life. i'm just scared that i might get too comfortable not being in school that i may not want to go back anymore 'coz honestly, i'm really enjoying the non-academic life right now. though i miss going to school and learning and stuff, there are also a lotta stuff that are gonna be hard to miss about school. the stress and pressure and stuff didn't settle well with me... which is why i'm outta school and working. hehehe. different strokes for different folks. that's why i really look up to people who graduate, coz i know the shit they had to go through just to get to where they are. i wish that i'd be able to get my degree too someday. and soon :)
*****
Free (Fragile) ~ Maria Mena
I`ve been walking around all day, thinking
I think i have a problem, I think I think too much
I`ve been taught to hold back my tears and avoid them
But you`ve made pain into something I could touch
I`ve been walking around all day, laughing
Think I`d be better off without you here
And I bet you are sweet and hard to get over
So I`ll cry and people will stop and stare
Now thats ok, let them stop and stare...
Coz I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
I`ve been walking around all day, waiting
And waiting is all I seem to do
´cause I never get it unless I`m fed it
But this time I'll just have to
Yeah this time I'll just have to...
CHORUS
And I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
Say you're not around... am I finished?
If you`re not around that's too bad
Hope you´re safe and sound, not alone now
´cause you know I believe in you...
I am still fragile
I am still hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
CHORUS 2x
on loop: free (fragile) ~ maria mena
the sucky thing about having nocturnal working hours is that you're up and about when everyone else is asleep, even when it's your day to be off from your work. so now i'm awake, and there's no way i can sleep since my body clock's all topsy-turvy already. and what happens is that i end up thinking. i really don't like it when i start thinking... i'm really bad at thinking good thoughts. when i'm not doing anything, i end up thinking of things that are best left in the recesses of my mind. and when i get going, i can't stop. i end up getting paranoid and stressed and pressured, and all sorts of ugly stuff like that. so now i'm blogging in an effort to take my mind off thinking about things. hrrmm... i wanna get back to work already.
anyway, i wish i could get back to school already and get a degree. by then, i could finally work full-time and go about doing the things that i want to with my life. i'm just scared that i might get too comfortable not being in school that i may not want to go back anymore 'coz honestly, i'm really enjoying the non-academic life right now. though i miss going to school and learning and stuff, there are also a lotta stuff that are gonna be hard to miss about school. the stress and pressure and stuff didn't settle well with me... which is why i'm outta school and working. hehehe. different strokes for different folks. that's why i really look up to people who graduate, coz i know the shit they had to go through just to get to where they are. i wish that i'd be able to get my degree too someday. and soon :)
*****
Free (Fragile) ~ Maria Mena
I`ve been walking around all day, thinking
I think i have a problem, I think I think too much
I`ve been taught to hold back my tears and avoid them
But you`ve made pain into something I could touch
I`ve been walking around all day, laughing
Think I`d be better off without you here
And I bet you are sweet and hard to get over
So I`ll cry and people will stop and stare
Now thats ok, let them stop and stare...
Coz I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
I`ve been walking around all day, waiting
And waiting is all I seem to do
´cause I never get it unless I`m fed it
But this time I'll just have to
Yeah this time I'll just have to...
CHORUS
And I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
Say you're not around... am I finished?
If you`re not around that's too bad
Hope you´re safe and sound, not alone now
´cause you know I believe in you...
I am still fragile
I am still hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
CHORUS 2x
Sunday, January 16, 2005
ala lang
ala lang
on loop: hush ~ ll cool j
everything's going smoothly lately. hehe thank God for that. anyway, watched Kung Fu Hustle with bea in gateway last night. the movie is SOOO hilarious! astig. hahaha. i enjoyed it so much. after that, we picked up pam and we went drinking and food tripping. we also worked on pam's accounting problems. harhar. we're becoming nerdier by the day. but it's all nice clean fun :) last night was really good... i needed the break. hehe.
anyway, payday's coming up!!! hurray i'm excited hehe... i'll be getting my 2T sign-up bonus and my 3T attendance incentive. i shouldn't be getting that since i was late a couple of times and skipped work one saturday, but my supervisor is the best and he covered up for me. whatta great dude. he's the kind of person you'd be grateful to even have just met. hrrmm... what else. i've got a lot of things lined up for the money *greedy laughter* i'm gonna buy a dvd player for my room and some dvds as well. then i'll be getting my dad this special vitamin ek-ek thats worth about 5 grand, but it's all right. it's the least i can do for him.
i'll also be putting aside some dough for some things i have to pay for... and last thing, i want to buy sandals! good basic everyday sandals that are comfy and simple. kinda expensive ones since i expect to use them all the time. i'm also eyeing this denim jacket from celine and a black cardigan from folded and hung. harharhar. i hope my salary would fit nyahahaha. but if not, there's always next payday. feels great to actually earn some money on your own. it may not be much, but hey, it's yours to do with whatever you want. also, i'm starting to think of what my plan is gonna be for this june. i want to go back to school. but i dunno where... ateneo is still my top bet. but i want a course i really like, and those are in dlsu or ust. so i dunno yet. guess i'll see. i'll have to ask for guidance on that :)
on loop: hush ~ ll cool j
everything's going smoothly lately. hehe thank God for that. anyway, watched Kung Fu Hustle with bea in gateway last night. the movie is SOOO hilarious! astig. hahaha. i enjoyed it so much. after that, we picked up pam and we went drinking and food tripping. we also worked on pam's accounting problems. harhar. we're becoming nerdier by the day. but it's all nice clean fun :) last night was really good... i needed the break. hehe.
anyway, payday's coming up!!! hurray i'm excited hehe... i'll be getting my 2T sign-up bonus and my 3T attendance incentive. i shouldn't be getting that since i was late a couple of times and skipped work one saturday, but my supervisor is the best and he covered up for me. whatta great dude. he's the kind of person you'd be grateful to even have just met. hrrmm... what else. i've got a lot of things lined up for the money *greedy laughter* i'm gonna buy a dvd player for my room and some dvds as well. then i'll be getting my dad this special vitamin ek-ek thats worth about 5 grand, but it's all right. it's the least i can do for him.
i'll also be putting aside some dough for some things i have to pay for... and last thing, i want to buy sandals! good basic everyday sandals that are comfy and simple. kinda expensive ones since i expect to use them all the time. i'm also eyeing this denim jacket from celine and a black cardigan from folded and hung. harharhar. i hope my salary would fit nyahahaha. but if not, there's always next payday. feels great to actually earn some money on your own. it may not be much, but hey, it's yours to do with whatever you want. also, i'm starting to think of what my plan is gonna be for this june. i want to go back to school. but i dunno where... ateneo is still my top bet. but i want a course i really like, and those are in dlsu or ust. so i dunno yet. guess i'll see. i'll have to ask for guidance on that :)
Monday, January 10, 2005
changes
changes
on loop: inseperable ~ jasmine trias
hrmmm. haven't been blogging anything senseful lately... simply because i've been really lazy and busy at the same time. a lot of things have changed these past couple of months. a whole lot. i can't hardly keep track actually. sometimes i miss the good old days... there are certain times in the past that were just good... and i sometimes would really want to get back to how those times were. but too bad things don't really work that way. times really have changed. if one stops and thinks, he's realize that his life ain't really the same thing he's been living out. it's basicallt one whole garble of changes that's culminated to make up what he has right now. and i sometimes stop and think and try to fin out, whjen did all these changes start happening? and i just can't pinpoint the answer. i guess it's been a long time coming already... and before anyone knew it, it's right up our doorstep trying to break the door down.
*****
i heard that OB was gonna have an alumni get-together thing for our batch. hrrmmm. would i wanna go there? i mean, high school was cool and all but... oh well. there are some people i really wouldn't want to be plastic with anymore. but i suppose i'm gonna go... i wanna have my pictures back! the ones they got for the supposed yearbook bullcrap that's taking eons to finish. i don't even give two cents bout that year book anymore, i just want my pictures back. allright, i've made up my mind. i'll go. harhar. i'll just pop in to do my thing and get my stuff back, then ditch the plastic party. there really is no sense in sticking around trying to be all gooey with the people i don't really care about, whom i'm pretty sure feels somehow the same way bout me. i'm content with the friends i have right now. they're the only people from high school that actually matter to me. there's gonna be a lot of hulla-baloo going on, i just bet. not being fatalistic here, just realistic and actually... smarter.
*****
anyway. where's all that ranting come from? eheh. weird. must be near that tiem of the month for me. anyway... one other thing. i realized that people change and things change and stuff like that. and i also realized that i'm dealing with that kinda thing much better now. when i was younger, i hated change. i had a hard time dealing with stuff that changed, especially people and environments. i didn't want to change schools or i didn't wanna lose people in my life and stuff... but i've learned that these things happen and it's not so deadly after all. sure, it may suck for a bit and you might think that things will never be the same and the world's gonna and stuff, but come to think of it, you're right. things will never be the same again. and that chapter of your world will definitely end. but it doesn't mean that the new world's gonna be worse or that the changes are gonna be bad. if there's something i've learned that's helped be a better person is that i've realized that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. as in, nothing. everything will turn out all right. the only element in question is time. the when's. and sometimes, the how's. but it'll come.
*****
thank God for decent people who make great things happen :)
on loop: inseperable ~ jasmine trias
hrmmm. haven't been blogging anything senseful lately... simply because i've been really lazy and busy at the same time. a lot of things have changed these past couple of months. a whole lot. i can't hardly keep track actually. sometimes i miss the good old days... there are certain times in the past that were just good... and i sometimes would really want to get back to how those times were. but too bad things don't really work that way. times really have changed. if one stops and thinks, he's realize that his life ain't really the same thing he's been living out. it's basicallt one whole garble of changes that's culminated to make up what he has right now. and i sometimes stop and think and try to fin out, whjen did all these changes start happening? and i just can't pinpoint the answer. i guess it's been a long time coming already... and before anyone knew it, it's right up our doorstep trying to break the door down.
*****
i heard that OB was gonna have an alumni get-together thing for our batch. hrrmmm. would i wanna go there? i mean, high school was cool and all but... oh well. there are some people i really wouldn't want to be plastic with anymore. but i suppose i'm gonna go... i wanna have my pictures back! the ones they got for the supposed yearbook bullcrap that's taking eons to finish. i don't even give two cents bout that year book anymore, i just want my pictures back. allright, i've made up my mind. i'll go. harhar. i'll just pop in to do my thing and get my stuff back, then ditch the plastic party. there really is no sense in sticking around trying to be all gooey with the people i don't really care about, whom i'm pretty sure feels somehow the same way bout me. i'm content with the friends i have right now. they're the only people from high school that actually matter to me. there's gonna be a lot of hulla-baloo going on, i just bet. not being fatalistic here, just realistic and actually... smarter.
*****
anyway. where's all that ranting come from? eheh. weird. must be near that tiem of the month for me. anyway... one other thing. i realized that people change and things change and stuff like that. and i also realized that i'm dealing with that kinda thing much better now. when i was younger, i hated change. i had a hard time dealing with stuff that changed, especially people and environments. i didn't want to change schools or i didn't wanna lose people in my life and stuff... but i've learned that these things happen and it's not so deadly after all. sure, it may suck for a bit and you might think that things will never be the same and the world's gonna and stuff, but come to think of it, you're right. things will never be the same again. and that chapter of your world will definitely end. but it doesn't mean that the new world's gonna be worse or that the changes are gonna be bad. if there's something i've learned that's helped be a better person is that i've realized that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. as in, nothing. everything will turn out all right. the only element in question is time. the when's. and sometimes, the how's. but it'll come.
*****
thank God for decent people who make great things happen :)
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
LOST PHONE
LOST PHONE
on loop: yet again... my thoughts.
finally, after years of loyal service, i have finally parted ways with my beloved nokia 7250. together with it came all the pictures of never again to be repeated memories, special messages never to be received again and numbers that would take me much effort to collate once again and probably, i would never be able to complete it ever again. all of these are graced with bitter yet heartfelt sentiments. I HAVE finally LOST MY PHONE. in almost ten years of my having about 6 phones, this would only be my second time to lose a phone. the first one was stolen and so was my phone earlier. this depresses me to no end. so PEOPLE, please bear with me. i will be incommunicado for some time and HOPEFULLY, i will be able to get a new phone soon.
and ONE LAST THING, please do leave your cellphone numbers over here at my tagboard or at my comments page or even at my guestbook. please, just so i would be able to text you as soon as i could. or if you would kindly please e-mail me your numbers instead: its at hyanz@yahoo.com. it would mean so much to me... as long as you're reading this, please do me a huge favor and give me your number. thank you so much. i sincerely hope no one would have a day as bad as the one i just had... no one should deserve it. anyway, keep safe and i hope to hear from you guys soon.
on loop: yet again... my thoughts.
finally, after years of loyal service, i have finally parted ways with my beloved nokia 7250. together with it came all the pictures of never again to be repeated memories, special messages never to be received again and numbers that would take me much effort to collate once again and probably, i would never be able to complete it ever again. all of these are graced with bitter yet heartfelt sentiments. I HAVE finally LOST MY PHONE. in almost ten years of my having about 6 phones, this would only be my second time to lose a phone. the first one was stolen and so was my phone earlier. this depresses me to no end. so PEOPLE, please bear with me. i will be incommunicado for some time and HOPEFULLY, i will be able to get a new phone soon.
and ONE LAST THING, please do leave your cellphone numbers over here at my tagboard or at my comments page or even at my guestbook. please, just so i would be able to text you as soon as i could. or if you would kindly please e-mail me your numbers instead: its at hyanz@yahoo.com. it would mean so much to me... as long as you're reading this, please do me a huge favor and give me your number. thank you so much. i sincerely hope no one would have a day as bad as the one i just had... no one should deserve it. anyway, keep safe and i hope to hear from you guys soon.