one of the most confusing ang frustrating enigmas of all time (at least, in my opinion) is a love-hate relationship. the title itself is quite explanatory but the phenomena actually goes deeper :) the relationship in question begins with fond (if not intense) emotions and feeling of love or maybe of like for a certain someone. these feelings somehow end up devouring your whole being... it takes up your time and your thoughts. despite this, the one feeling these erm.. feelings clam up. this person fails to fully relay what it is he/she really feels and instead strives to maintain his/her composure and sort of neutrality, when deep inside he/she is convulsing amidst all the turmoil within him/her.
and for what reason? this person somehow somehow feels that it is not needed that the situation be clarified, so it is left at that. he/she is under the pretense that what it is he/she feels is really no big deal and that in time, it'll wear off. even if there is an inkling between the two that there actually might be more to what they have than meets the eye, the issue never arises during the numerous conversations they have. as time goes on, the once intense feelings are now replaced by a numbness brought about by familiarity and a security that the object of affection (O.A. ;p lol) shall remain the way he/she is, keeping their blurry concept of a "relationship" intact.
one day, our object of affection suddenly acquires for him/her self an "object of affection" of his/her own. suddenly, like a tsunami of gibberish, our subject feels like he/she is being cheated... betrayed, even abandoned. he/she feels that after all the "love" (or whatever it is) he/she has bestowed upon his/her "OA", this person had the audacity to place it in disregard and go fall for another person. what happened to their "special understanding"? to their "unspoken agreement"? well, it's gone down the drain, that's what. this is how our subject feels. this is where the hate comes in. he/she begins to hate the OA supposedly for what he/she has "done"...
when in reality and upon close examination, it is really the feelings the OA generates within our subject that is being hated. simply because, our subject feels stupid, inane and unreasonable. stupid for not making any move and letting the OA slip away, inane for thinking it would not happen, and unreasonable because he/she knows that it is NOT right to focus all this hate at our OA... because the OA knew nothing of what our subject felt, hence our OA does not take these into consideration thereby rendering our subject's silent accusations invalid. but deep down the heart of hearts of our subjects, he/she will still find that after peeling away all the layers of hate, regret, misery and self-reprimanding, there still remains the feelings of love that started it all.
but even deeper is the knowledge that he/she is really the stupid one. smack-your-head-against-wall kind of stupid (whatever that is), and he/she then hopes that in time, this'll come to pass. for the meantime, our subject shall indulge him/herself with sappy heartbreak songs, get teary-eyed over silly memories and most of all, feel bitterness. and the rest becomes etched in the anals of our subject's history...
now, wasn't that such a stupid, vicious cycle? head-reeling. how uncomprehensible. daymn, even i don't understand what the heck i've been writing about up there. just felt like babbling out loud. don't mind me.. this has been a stupid post. nonsense, as a matter of fact (as i'm sure you've already deduced by now. lol) :p
hmmm. i should get back to my normal stressed out life. i'm starting to think crazy. later... ciao.
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