easy going
on loop: jammin' ~ bob marley / boys don't cry ~ the cure
wow it's been a long week... feels like it's been a month already. anyway, got my pay last friday. wasn't as spectacular as i expected it would be, but i'll live hehe. another thing... i've also decided that i won't be going back to ateneo anymore. i want to have a fresh start somewhere else. someplace where i could forget about slacking off and failing. totally my fault but there's no law against wanting a new beggining, right? i promise to work on my applications by monday next week. i've put it off long enough. procrastinated too much already hehe. i hope it's not too late yet and i would be able to get into dlsu or ust by june... ehehe. another new environment and i'm looking forward to it already. we're young and have a lot of opportunities ahead of us, at least we have that going for us.
ho-hum. anyway, i had a great weekend. last friday, i got to hang out with shine. we went mall-hopping in ortigas and in cubao. went on a mini shopping spree for myself and my dad... just little nothings to reward myself for a two weeks' worth of hard work. then last saturday, my friends from work and i went to catch Constantine in megamall. cool movie. after that, we headed over to mucho's in ortigas to hang out. our supervisor was there along with other people... we were about sixteen all in all. we rented a room with a videoke machine for 6K, but for about 5 hours or so. plus the 6K was consumable in drinks and food. super fun. i haven't had that much fun in so long. made me appreciate the people around me even more. around 1130, we went to jade palace in pasig/shaw for a (very) late dinner. at that time, there were about nine of us left and five were pissed drunk. nyahaha. funny people. the place served good warm food.
got home around 230 the next morning, rode in a cab with two others who were nice enough to drop me home even if i was totally out of the way. the next day, sunshine came over since she had to use the pc here, but turns out my optical drive was shot so we transferred to bea's house. it was also a great opportunity for me to be able to visit bea's cat, a request she made before she left for the states. poor thing got so skinny. after going home at around 830, i went to mass and turned in early. was super tired. then sunshine calls around midnight and asks if she could come over... HUWAAT?! hehe just kidding, shine :) and so she did. good thing we were able to fix her school project. she left just a bit before 3am, if i remember correctly. for today, i just stayed home. stocked up on much-needed sleep and rest. also met several great people today. fast friends as they would say. very mellow day, good for the health hehe.
i'll be applying in discovery tomorrow. not for anything... just to accompany someone from work. but i doubt if i'll be quitting my job anytime soon. i'm paid decently and the people are perfect. couldn't have gotten together with better people. i was never chummy with anyone else aside from my friends and my family, but these people make it very easy for you to be at ease with them and it's as if you're one huge family. you look out for one another, and that's very valuable for me. nothing can ever replace that genuine concern for one another. makes working so much fun actually. i didn't have that in the first company i was with before i was with tele. God's been great by far. it's hard to earn for myself and i'm really thankful that my dad is always with me to support me in my endeavors. honestly wouldn't know where i'd end without him. thank God for great parents. i'm also paying for our electric, water and phone bills. it actually feels great and is very fulfilling to be able to help out with the expenses at home.
never thought i'd be able to pull it off getting by in such a drastic change of environment but i'm happy to say that so far it's been good. long way to go for me to actually be able to stand on my own two feet, but it's a start. and when i think about it, the path i trod wasn't exactly littered with rose petals. there were points when i had to contend with hell and high water, and by God's will, i was able to get by and eventually was able to comeout slightly wiser and better. i'm just so thankful for everything i've been through and am going through. i've been very much humbled by all these experiences and though i try to still stay the same, i know that somehow i've changed... but thankfully, to a stronger, thriftier and smarter person. hopefully, we'd all become better by virtue of life's experiences, not bitter. if there's anything i've learned from all the mess-ups i've made of my life, it's the fact that only you can clean up your own mess. and that for as long as you do try and exert effort, thigs will work out for you. He never lets anyone down, no matter how much unworthy one may have been.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
eindow shyaping
window shyaping
on loop: suntok sa buwan ~ session road
i was at robinson's galleria yesterday with a friend from work. we were just roaming around, window shopping and i saw so many things i wanted to buy! how sad... i wish i had more money to spare hehe. evrything's on sale... but even if they are, they still seem expensive to me. i remember a time when i wouldn't have given a second thought about price tags. i was an idiot then... and a spoiled one at that. i never really realized the value of hard-earned money. i somehow felt like for as long my parents were around, money would come by easily. damn, how dumb. anyway, i just wanted to share some of the things that i saw, but sadly did not conquer (ehehe ang corny). this frivolous post should be able to somehow make up for the terribly negative post i put in yesterday ehehe.
first off, i saw two pairs of sandals in naf naf. they were perfect! i've been looking around so long for just the right pair(s), and there they were all this time. one of them's even on 50-off. rarr. next off, i saw a new line of water lily scents in marks and spencer. their water lily scent is my beri peyborit scent and they now have it in talcum powder! haha how shallow, but i really wanted it. then when i got to dorothy perkins, wow everything was great! i wanted to buy out the whole store. then we went to this guy shoe shop, pab der uomo something and i saw a pair that my dad would love but it costs 7 grand. yikes. would've loved to get him that as a gift but... ehe. money talks and right now, i'm pretty mute hehehe.
then upstairs (we literally combed the entire mall hehe), i saw this really nice basketball clock over at gary lising's novelty shop or something like that. it was ony 200 bucks over at the greenhills tiangge when i first saw it but now it's worth over a hundred fifty bucks. rip-off... but a really nice one at that. there was also a sale on sandals over at people are people, nice pieces but not very low-key if you know what i mean. somewhat outrageous when it came to the patterns on the gems it had if i may so, good for going out probably... and very elegant, actually. and the last thing that i really really really really (to the nth power) wanted to buy was the ultra slim phillips dvd player that i saw. it was full of features that even i couldn't remember anymore plus it looked awesome. they give discounts for cash payments so i'd most probably pay it off with my salary. it's around 6 grand but there's a cheaper one, and it's a samsung anyway, for a thou less...
i saw so many things i wanted to buy, plus so many shops i wish i could shop in. ahahay. how sad. got depressed actually hehe :) but that's all right. hopefully, in time, i would be able to go get some of the things i really liked. i could start with the cheap clock then maybe a shirt from dorothy perkins. then move on to the sandals over at naf naf then to the powder over at m&s. as they say, working oneself up. next thing i know, i'll be going home with the dvd player safely and snugly tucked under my arm, ready to be used over at home. hehehe. i told my dad about it and he told me that every one really does get they're meant to go. but it's always so much better to go slowly but surely than go and be all fast and furious... you never know when you might mess up and break your neck or something. break a leg na lang. hehe ang baduy. anyway, amen to that.
on loop: suntok sa buwan ~ session road
i was at robinson's galleria yesterday with a friend from work. we were just roaming around, window shopping and i saw so many things i wanted to buy! how sad... i wish i had more money to spare hehe. evrything's on sale... but even if they are, they still seem expensive to me. i remember a time when i wouldn't have given a second thought about price tags. i was an idiot then... and a spoiled one at that. i never really realized the value of hard-earned money. i somehow felt like for as long my parents were around, money would come by easily. damn, how dumb. anyway, i just wanted to share some of the things that i saw, but sadly did not conquer (ehehe ang corny). this frivolous post should be able to somehow make up for the terribly negative post i put in yesterday ehehe.
first off, i saw two pairs of sandals in naf naf. they were perfect! i've been looking around so long for just the right pair(s), and there they were all this time. one of them's even on 50-off. rarr. next off, i saw a new line of water lily scents in marks and spencer. their water lily scent is my beri peyborit scent and they now have it in talcum powder! haha how shallow, but i really wanted it. then when i got to dorothy perkins, wow everything was great! i wanted to buy out the whole store. then we went to this guy shoe shop, pab der uomo something and i saw a pair that my dad would love but it costs 7 grand. yikes. would've loved to get him that as a gift but... ehe. money talks and right now, i'm pretty mute hehehe.
then upstairs (we literally combed the entire mall hehe), i saw this really nice basketball clock over at gary lising's novelty shop or something like that. it was ony 200 bucks over at the greenhills tiangge when i first saw it but now it's worth over a hundred fifty bucks. rip-off... but a really nice one at that. there was also a sale on sandals over at people are people, nice pieces but not very low-key if you know what i mean. somewhat outrageous when it came to the patterns on the gems it had if i may so, good for going out probably... and very elegant, actually. and the last thing that i really really really really (to the nth power) wanted to buy was the ultra slim phillips dvd player that i saw. it was full of features that even i couldn't remember anymore plus it looked awesome. they give discounts for cash payments so i'd most probably pay it off with my salary. it's around 6 grand but there's a cheaper one, and it's a samsung anyway, for a thou less...
i saw so many things i wanted to buy, plus so many shops i wish i could shop in. ahahay. how sad. got depressed actually hehe :) but that's all right. hopefully, in time, i would be able to go get some of the things i really liked. i could start with the cheap clock then maybe a shirt from dorothy perkins. then move on to the sandals over at naf naf then to the powder over at m&s. as they say, working oneself up. next thing i know, i'll be going home with the dvd player safely and snugly tucked under my arm, ready to be used over at home. hehehe. i told my dad about it and he told me that every one really does get they're meant to go. but it's always so much better to go slowly but surely than go and be all fast and furious... you never know when you might mess up and break your neck or something. break a leg na lang. hehe ang baduy. anyway, amen to that.
Monday, February 07, 2005
nutty'ng (angst post ito ah...)
nutty'ng (angst post ito ah...)
on loop: get right ~ j. lo
harhar my title's so lame. anyway, i've made up my mind. i don't think i'll be going back to ateneo anymore. it really breaks me to say so because i don't see myself in any other school, but that's the way it has to be. there are way too many complications if i were to stay. it's hard to explain but i guess i'll really have to get on to another school. i may have to start all over again and i don't know how i'll ever be able to explain my decision to my dad... but time has a way of unraveling issues on it's own. i'm just hoping that good fortune would prevail.
there are too many issues and it's really tough for me to confront it, so i'll guess i'll just have to live with it. and i feel that if i start talking about it, it would seem all too real. i'm in what one could call a denial stage. the true blue real deal. ahahay. my years in ateneo were the best years of my life, no doubt about that. it developed my character so much and it would have been able to make me a better person if only i kept on and stayed. but i guess it's too late for regrets, what if's and should have's. i hate regrets.
now all i'm having a dilemma about is where i'm going to transfer. la salle would be great but it's too far. too much expense (i'm really money-conscious nowadays) and too far (i need all the time i can get to study). i might apply at UST... it's a good school and at the same time, it's not too far. i just hope that i would be able to do good in that school. honestly, i have big dreams for myself. really huge dreams... i want to be comfortable in life and have a succesful career. and somehow, i was brought up with the notion that only a good education would be able to do that for me. having a job now has taught me so many valuable life lessons. i learned that money can only last you so long and get you so far. you need ability and skill to win in this game.
and another thing that i've grown to hate are connections. i hate people who rely too much on connections. they will never learn and grow on their own. actually, i don't hate them. i personally have nothing against them. i guess i just feel sort of apathetic towards them. it would be difficult for them to stand on their own and earn merit through their own hard work when their connection won't pull through. in a society that gives too much value on prestige and power, it would still be the "ma-abilidad" who will stand out and tough it out in the end. i only hope that when the time comes, i would have enough ability and skills to pull me through. not that i wouldn't want anyone to lean on or ask for help, it's just that i don't want to depend too much on others. coz i know that those others won't always be there for me and i'd hate to have no one to turn to when i expect and need someone to be there.
i won't be a hypocrite and say that money isn't everything and that i don't give two shits about it. actually, it's the most important thing for me. financial security is what i'm all about. it's nice to have money from yuor parents but they ain't gonna be there all the time. and i could always say that my future husband would support me, but i know better than that. my mom brought me up better than to believe in that. di naman ako pwede umasa na lang sa asawa. i will have to do my part... and i will have to earn. and i have no plans of getting married not until i have my own house, car and business. i would first have to have the capability of fending for myself and living comfortable with enough to spare for rainy days and of course, kids.
ayoko naman na magkaroon ng high standards and expectations for the person i will marry if i myself won't be able to meet the standards i have set. because what i would want in a husband is a good education, smarts, ma-abilidad and hard working, among others. and above all, i would want someone with ambition and the drive and will to achieve it. i would be extremely lucky to end up with someone like that. i promise to work hard in everything i do, and i promise to try to start now. as soon as sort the kinks out of my life. i guess i would want to be able to lead an independent life... both financially and emotionally. i really wouldn't want to be too dependent on anything impermanent. i think it makes one vulnerable... and somewhat weak. but of course this is just my opinion. i'm not making any sweeping statements. i'm just speaking for myself.
my mom told me early on to wisen up in life. i never really did up until a few years back. i know what people's motives are. i may not always be correct but i usually get a good feel of it and though i don't tell it to their faces when i know that they're using me, i keep it in my mind. that way, i am wise and guarded. sometimes people think that they're getting the better of me when i let them have their own ways, but actually it's just a sort of diversion i sometimes have to pull in order for me to be able to pull out all the stops. of all the things i hate, it's being used. so to those people who may think and feel that i may be referring to them, don't even ask me anymore if it's you. you know it's you. and now you know that i know. i don't have to tell you... bahala ka na, alam niyo na yun. it should suffice to say that i think you people are so pretentious and fake, and that you make me sick.
i'm just letting all my angst out right now before it settles down again and comes up some other time. i'm really not the type of person who's very vocal about what i feel or think. i usually just shut up and let people do their thing while i get by to do my own. and i really, really hate it when people try to pry things out of me or when they make me do things i don't want to and mistake my not wanting to as a for of weakness or gullibility. news flash, idiots. it's called living a life of your own. no need to drag others to think the same way you do just so you could somehow 'validate' your sentiments. you don't need others to agree with you for your point to be valid... you'd have to stand by it yourself. walang pakialamanan ng sentimyento ng iba. kung ayaw kang sang-ayunan ng tao, wag mong pilitan at magmumukhang gago ka lang. live and let live.
i wish that the right people would be able to read my post. i've got so much more to say but it's too much angst for one day (harhar it rhymes). i didn't mean to be so edgy with my post... i actually started out ok and pretty cool and tame, but then one thought led to another and before i knew it, all this angst was pouring out. nyahaha. nakulob ata. and i'm just hoping that no one would tell me to not keep my sentiments bottled up so much because the next tiem anyone would say that, i just might smack him. eh sa ganito nga ako eh, pakialam mo ba ha? wag ka nang umeksena... nagmamagaling ka namaan eh. tigilan mo nako ok? kanya kanya lang yan, as what i always say. different strokes for different folks as what others would say.
anyway i'm really sorry for those who are bored outta their minds reading this post and thanks for actually even reading it. i just hope that my message would get into the heads of the right people. i wish they would realize that it's them i'm talking about. and kung nagdududa pa sila, wag na. and wag na sana nila ako tanungin kung siala nga ba, coz i'll just say no and shrug it off. but if they're smart and decent enough to think and recognize themselves, they would wake up and smell the (bitter) coffee. i know i myslef am not perfect... i have so many flaws in every aspect of my personality and i know that i have a long way to go before i become any closer to a good person but i'm working on it and hopefully, i'll reach it in one piece. i'm just really glad that there are still a few true people in the world who somehow make things all right and turn my days into brighter ones. thank god for them. pardon all the melodrasma and shit, it's just one of those days.
on loop: get right ~ j. lo
harhar my title's so lame. anyway, i've made up my mind. i don't think i'll be going back to ateneo anymore. it really breaks me to say so because i don't see myself in any other school, but that's the way it has to be. there are way too many complications if i were to stay. it's hard to explain but i guess i'll really have to get on to another school. i may have to start all over again and i don't know how i'll ever be able to explain my decision to my dad... but time has a way of unraveling issues on it's own. i'm just hoping that good fortune would prevail.
there are too many issues and it's really tough for me to confront it, so i'll guess i'll just have to live with it. and i feel that if i start talking about it, it would seem all too real. i'm in what one could call a denial stage. the true blue real deal. ahahay. my years in ateneo were the best years of my life, no doubt about that. it developed my character so much and it would have been able to make me a better person if only i kept on and stayed. but i guess it's too late for regrets, what if's and should have's. i hate regrets.
now all i'm having a dilemma about is where i'm going to transfer. la salle would be great but it's too far. too much expense (i'm really money-conscious nowadays) and too far (i need all the time i can get to study). i might apply at UST... it's a good school and at the same time, it's not too far. i just hope that i would be able to do good in that school. honestly, i have big dreams for myself. really huge dreams... i want to be comfortable in life and have a succesful career. and somehow, i was brought up with the notion that only a good education would be able to do that for me. having a job now has taught me so many valuable life lessons. i learned that money can only last you so long and get you so far. you need ability and skill to win in this game.
and another thing that i've grown to hate are connections. i hate people who rely too much on connections. they will never learn and grow on their own. actually, i don't hate them. i personally have nothing against them. i guess i just feel sort of apathetic towards them. it would be difficult for them to stand on their own and earn merit through their own hard work when their connection won't pull through. in a society that gives too much value on prestige and power, it would still be the "ma-abilidad" who will stand out and tough it out in the end. i only hope that when the time comes, i would have enough ability and skills to pull me through. not that i wouldn't want anyone to lean on or ask for help, it's just that i don't want to depend too much on others. coz i know that those others won't always be there for me and i'd hate to have no one to turn to when i expect and need someone to be there.
i won't be a hypocrite and say that money isn't everything and that i don't give two shits about it. actually, it's the most important thing for me. financial security is what i'm all about. it's nice to have money from yuor parents but they ain't gonna be there all the time. and i could always say that my future husband would support me, but i know better than that. my mom brought me up better than to believe in that. di naman ako pwede umasa na lang sa asawa. i will have to do my part... and i will have to earn. and i have no plans of getting married not until i have my own house, car and business. i would first have to have the capability of fending for myself and living comfortable with enough to spare for rainy days and of course, kids.
ayoko naman na magkaroon ng high standards and expectations for the person i will marry if i myself won't be able to meet the standards i have set. because what i would want in a husband is a good education, smarts, ma-abilidad and hard working, among others. and above all, i would want someone with ambition and the drive and will to achieve it. i would be extremely lucky to end up with someone like that. i promise to work hard in everything i do, and i promise to try to start now. as soon as sort the kinks out of my life. i guess i would want to be able to lead an independent life... both financially and emotionally. i really wouldn't want to be too dependent on anything impermanent. i think it makes one vulnerable... and somewhat weak. but of course this is just my opinion. i'm not making any sweeping statements. i'm just speaking for myself.
my mom told me early on to wisen up in life. i never really did up until a few years back. i know what people's motives are. i may not always be correct but i usually get a good feel of it and though i don't tell it to their faces when i know that they're using me, i keep it in my mind. that way, i am wise and guarded. sometimes people think that they're getting the better of me when i let them have their own ways, but actually it's just a sort of diversion i sometimes have to pull in order for me to be able to pull out all the stops. of all the things i hate, it's being used. so to those people who may think and feel that i may be referring to them, don't even ask me anymore if it's you. you know it's you. and now you know that i know. i don't have to tell you... bahala ka na, alam niyo na yun. it should suffice to say that i think you people are so pretentious and fake, and that you make me sick.
i'm just letting all my angst out right now before it settles down again and comes up some other time. i'm really not the type of person who's very vocal about what i feel or think. i usually just shut up and let people do their thing while i get by to do my own. and i really, really hate it when people try to pry things out of me or when they make me do things i don't want to and mistake my not wanting to as a for of weakness or gullibility. news flash, idiots. it's called living a life of your own. no need to drag others to think the same way you do just so you could somehow 'validate' your sentiments. you don't need others to agree with you for your point to be valid... you'd have to stand by it yourself. walang pakialamanan ng sentimyento ng iba. kung ayaw kang sang-ayunan ng tao, wag mong pilitan at magmumukhang gago ka lang. live and let live.
i wish that the right people would be able to read my post. i've got so much more to say but it's too much angst for one day (harhar it rhymes). i didn't mean to be so edgy with my post... i actually started out ok and pretty cool and tame, but then one thought led to another and before i knew it, all this angst was pouring out. nyahaha. nakulob ata. and i'm just hoping that no one would tell me to not keep my sentiments bottled up so much because the next tiem anyone would say that, i just might smack him. eh sa ganito nga ako eh, pakialam mo ba ha? wag ka nang umeksena... nagmamagaling ka namaan eh. tigilan mo nako ok? kanya kanya lang yan, as what i always say. different strokes for different folks as what others would say.
anyway i'm really sorry for those who are bored outta their minds reading this post and thanks for actually even reading it. i just hope that my message would get into the heads of the right people. i wish they would realize that it's them i'm talking about. and kung nagdududa pa sila, wag na. and wag na sana nila ako tanungin kung siala nga ba, coz i'll just say no and shrug it off. but if they're smart and decent enough to think and recognize themselves, they would wake up and smell the (bitter) coffee. i know i myslef am not perfect... i have so many flaws in every aspect of my personality and i know that i have a long way to go before i become any closer to a good person but i'm working on it and hopefully, i'll reach it in one piece. i'm just really glad that there are still a few true people in the world who somehow make things all right and turn my days into brighter ones. thank god for them. pardon all the melodrasma and shit, it's just one of those days.