i had it coming...

on loop: #41 ~ DMB

what happens when one of your worst fears is actually coming true? or actually, it's long been true, and you just didn't know? i've always thought that maybe i was seeing rainbows when others saw rain, but then again, i held on to my faith that maybe the rain and rainbows aren't so far apart. i don't want to be o.a. or anything, because i know that i won't be doing anything about this. i simply held on to a whim, and a promise though now it seems that it was only written in thin air. it's hard to give so much and not expect anything in return. law of supply and demand, law of every action begets an equal reaction, and all those, i didn't consider those. i thought that maybe somehow, the simple things that made me happy would be enough.

i won't be petty as to let these small discoveries ruin what is good, i know better than that. but what i'd do is to be more cautious next time, and not fall too quickly for the slightest things. sometimes, i think i give too much inuendo to things that probably shouldn't even be given any second thoughts at all... but i'm like that na eh. and though i may have gotten carried away on most situations, i can say that i'm pretty sure of some of the beliefs i carry. what sucks is the fact that somehow what i found out only adds up to everything else that's been bugging me all this while, and i somehow see it as somewhat of a reinforcement of what's been on the back of my mind.

ayoko maging tanga, but i'm willing to sacrifice. there's a difference. i just wish that what i fear the most won't push through. because i've invested so much and i wouldn't want to lose it out of false foresight, just because i failed to see what was coming my way since i was too blinded by something else. i'm just praying for guidance from God and trust in Him to lead me to the right path. anyway, i did not intend for this entry to be this long. i actually wanted to keep it to a few lines or something, but there was a lot i had to say. i'll probably wake up tomorrow and feel better and somewhat forget about tonight, but then again, i know myself. i kinda wish i wasn't so curious, but at the same time i'm glad i'm putting together the pieces of a long overdue puzzle. curiousity really does kill the cat :_(