ginaganahan

ginaganahan

on loop: sitting, waiting, wishing ~ jack johnson

new layout... kaya slightly masipag to blog :) do check out the streaming video! masaya 'yun hehe. just needs a bit of patience (and a somewhat decent net connection).

i couldn't sleep at all last night, despite tiring myself out the entire day. and what's not so great about being up when everyone else is asleep is that you tend to think of a lot of things... about life, love, hate, joy, pain, successes and failures and all that mooshy stuff reserved especially for moments when you're alone with yourself (redundant?). i think it's the silence that sortof serves as a catalyst for these musings. and even if you try to NOT think of it, just the fact that you're trying means you already are.

tendency is, you sometimes get too wrapped up in your thoughts and end up getting depressed. or in some instances, you emerge with a renewed sense of vigor up for another round, suffused with some new resolve you supposedly concocted during those moments of "clarity" you had while waltzing with your thoughts. but when day comes and the harsh realities of daily monotony come streaking through, your firm resolve is somehow nowhere to be found... up until the next muni-muni session you've got lined for yourself, and the cycle begins again.

i guess this is what they mean when they say you're stuck in a rut. it's like you can't see yourself being something else or doing different things, even if you try your darndest to. it's because it has simply become who you are. bordering on a bit of philosophy, you have become you. you're living up to the standards and expectations you have subconsciously set for yourself and though you may want to break free from that mold, there is just no escaping one's own self or pagkatao. i remeber a term back in ateneo philo: self-actualization. the idea's so abstract yet so singular that it is clear at precisely the same time that it is hazy. it is your being or pagiging. being not as a noun, but as a verb. a coming into terms with your self.

and when people change, we feel that they are becoming different from who they are. but in actuality, they are simply deviating from that version of that person that we have come to know and associate with that self. their change is not becuase they are veering away from who they truly are, but simply a part or phase of the continous process of eveolving into one's true state of being.

HRRRMM. weyt a menet. i actually don't know why they heck i'm talking philosophy. i probably lack sleep or i think it's my mind's own way of answering some questions that's been hounding me as to why people change out of the blue, and when i look back to try to see when it started to happen, i discover the imperceptible changes down the road that i never gave too much heed about or didn't really particularly care for. when all rolled together, it turns into one big mess that just can't be undone anymore.

so there. random ramblings. 'sensya na. i should go back to sleep. and to quote what my friend "ratonsito" said: "don't tell God that you have a big problem, tell your problem that you have a big God." and oh yeah, since puro tanong na rin naman nasa isip ko, may isa pa: alam niyo yung mga music videos na parang pa-rewind yung scenes, pero tama naman ang pagkakanta nung song and hindi naman baliktad... pano ginagawa yun? hehe. i've always wondered.