bridge over troubled water

bridge over troubled water

on loop: falling ~ keahiwai

now that i think about it, i think i feel in love not with "him", but with the "things" that make the "him" up. and i think i loved the "idea" of being with him, not really the "relationship". those are too shallow. but i know that if given the chance, i would love him for real. but the important thing is the NOW. and it's too soon (and stupid) to be talking about love and shit like that right now. sure, what i felt may have been something akin to love but not the real thing. that, i am sure. but it's real and deep enough to hurt me as much as it did. and to give me doubts and regrets and wants that nothing else could have. but i'll get over it. i realized the other day that i myself am the one who is hurting myself (and i try to not make too much of a fuss about it... coz i don't want to be melodramatic and stuff... wouldn't wanna look back and think myself idiotic and silly :s).

he has no idea about how i feel for him, and if i'm hurting, it's because i want too much from him. more than what should really be. in short, my frame of mind is playing tricks with me. so the best remedy to this is, stop thinking of the person as something he's not. though it just totally breaks you up inside to see the person you would never have thought to exist just drift away. at least i have the next best thing, his friendship... genuine and real. it may not be what i wanted, but it's something very valuable. i shouldn't mess it up. darn. life nga naman... and all it's lessons.

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bea and i watched Bcoz of U last night. nyahahaha. i enjoyed the film. it was actually funny and ligh-hearted (an d quite kilig na rin as well). i liked hero and sandara's story the best hehehehe. very cute. had fun bey! thanks Ü

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last friday night, andrea, shine, bea, and i went out at around 830 i think. we had coffee in ortigas then ate a TON of oysters in oyster boy greenhills hehehe. fun Ü though i must say that i wouldn't really appreciate seeing another oyster for the next few weeks or so ;p

prior to that, shine went with me and my friends from work to megamall. we ate out at the foodcourt. then we went drinking in dencio's. had tequila... sarap! hehe. best tequila shot i've had ever. i'm so happy with my job. and i don't have any regrets that i chose teleperformance. thank God. and i'm doing good so far, according to our trainer. hehe nothing like a little bit of appreciation for your hard work. the following weeks are going to be tougher for all of us, and i hope i get by just fine. enough distractions. i don't need it. love will come when it should... i shouldn't press it.

lately, there seems to be too much issues about love going around with almost everyone i know. what's up with that? my friend said it's probably the cold weather talking hehe. the only thing i can say is that... it's always hard to fall into mud baths. and the toughest part is always when more than half your body is submerged in it. but when you get enough leeway to hoist yourself out, things'll get better. sure, you may come out all muddy and stinky, but you can always wash that off and clean up. but you don't only leave with muddy clothes, but also with the lesson to never fall into that hole again and the lesson of how to get yourself out.